Top of the World

Hi Barefoot,

I’m in the fortunate position of being about to receive a windfall on the sale of my business of $10 million. This is great but I don’t want to stuff it up from here! I’m only 45, with a wife and four kids, and I don’t know how to invest this. I’ve been badly burnt by financial advisors in the past so I’m reluctant to hand any of it over to some random to control. What should I do? Our only asset is our family home, worth $1.4 million with a loan of $700,000. What should I do?

Tom

Hey Tom,

Great stuff!

With ten big ones (well, call it nine-and-a-bit after you pay out the mortgage and buy some fancy stuff like cars, holidays and thermomixes), you need to have a strong understanding of what tools you need. Otherwise the finance industry will be very happy to sell you expensive magic wands.

With that in mind, here are a few things to think about:

Getting rich is different to staying rich:

You got rich by stacking all your chips on one business, but to stay rich you’ll need to spread your chips across thousands of businesses – preferably by investing in low-cost domestic and international index funds.

Don’t sell the farm:

Think of your share portfolio like a farm that provides you with a golden harvest of dividends each year (in your case around $300,000 a year!). Spend the yearly harvest, but never, ever sell the farm.

Get yourself a lawyer, son:

Even if you spend all your dividends, your kids still stand to inherit a $30 million (or more) fortune in the future. A family trust can help both protect your assets and minimise their taxes. You’ll need a lawyer for this.
Finally, keep working:

You need to find something that gets you out of bed each morning. This time round you don’t need to do it for the dough, though. Do it to make a difference.

Scott.

My latest phone trick

Liz walked into the bedroom with tears in her eyes.

I glanced up at her and my heart went into my mouth: she was waving a stick at me with two lines.

“You’re pregnant?! Again?!” I screamed.

“No, I have COVID!” she screamed back.

“Oh, well thank god for that” I said, visibly sighing.

(Which in hindsight was not the response she was looking for at that moment.)

Little did we know, the next week was about to get much worse.

That’s because everyone in our family got struck down … well, except me.

What are the chances?

By Wednesday I was strutting around like I’d won first prize on Survivor. Liz had a hunch and suggested I get some ‘proper testing’ at a drive-through.

So I did.

After a long wait, I wound down my window, took off my mask, and smiled at the nurse.

“What brings you here today?” she asked politely.

And then she threw herself back from my car and started screaming at me to close my window.

I could see the terror in her eyes as I madly fumbled to close my window.

At that point one of her colleagues ran to her aid, and then she too started screaming at me.

For the next 15 seconds it was total pandemonium. I had no idea what was going on because (a) my window was up, and (b) they were both screaming and pointing at me from behind their face masks and visors.

Did I have a new super-weird mutating variant?

What the hell was getting these two so steamed up?

And then I saw it:

A giant huntsman crawled down from the roof of my car to my window, then back on to the roof.

“I’m sorry, I have a spider phobia” said the nurse, her eyes darting frantically around the roof of my car.

The poor woman was terrified. As was I. After all, it’s not the calmest set-up for someone who’s about to push a stick up your nose and down your throat.

Of course, she’s not the only one who’s been getting the shakes lately … investors have been seeing a hairy huntsman or two crawling around their stock portfolios, with the market falling in January.

So is this the start of a major sell-off … or just a temporary blip?

You’ve probably got a hunch.

So, given it’s my first week back, let’s test your gut:

Where do you think housing, shares and Bitcoin will be at the end of the year?

(For reference, last year housing was up 22%, Aussie shares were up 16% last year, yet fell by roughly 5% in January, and the price of Bitcoin is currently US$38,000).

It’s easy to be a hero in hindsight (“I knew 2022 was going to turn out like that”), much tougher to do it in real time.

So, take out your phone and read this script:

“Hey Siri/Hey Google/Hey FBI,

“On the first of January 2023, at 8am, remind me of the following predictions I made today:

“Aussie shares will go up/down XXX%.

“The Aussie housing market will go up/down YYY%.

And Bitcoin will be trading at $ZZZ.”

Go on, do it now!

Postscript: after a very long week, the family was raring to get out of isolation and head to the beach for a holiday. Just to be sure I took a RAT test. Bad news. I was pregnant.

What are the chances?

Tread Your Own Path!

I’m Going to KILL him

Scott,

My husband of 12 years finally fessed up. He has been trading crypto coins and has lost $57,000! This was money our family of five was relying on to upgrade from our tiny three-bedroom home. We have always had separate accounts but vaguely knew what each of us was doing. At least I thought I did. I thought he had his money in shares but, unbeknownst to me, he sold them last year and started trading crypto. I cannot believe he’d be so stupid, I just want to KILL him. He thinks the market will come back and wants to hold on. What say you?

Sally

Hi Sally,

A few years ago, I walked into the lounge and noticed red crayon scrawled all over a wall.

“Who did this?” I thundered.

My three-year-old nervously put up her hand and said, “Daddy, I made an ‘uh-oh’.”

At that point I had a choice: I could yell and scream, or I could thank her for being honest and suggest we work together to clean up the mess.

Sally, you are in the same position. Your husband has admitted to making a big mistake playing with the crypto crayons. It’s over, done-ski. The only way to win from here is for you two to clean up the mess together.

(This is one reason I’m not in favour of happily married couples keeping their money separate: you need to be a team.)

My tip?

Don’t invest your short-term savings in the share market or a digital beanie baby – keep it in your savings account.

Finally, if you’re asking me where the crypto market is going, I have absolutely no idea in the short term. Yet I do have a rough yardstick on when we’ll see the bottom:

When Dogecoin is valued at zero.

Woof!

Scott.

The Scented Candle

Dear Scott,

Three years ago I bought your book when I could least afford it, with six-figure debts written on my fridge door. I took you and the book to dinner every week as I was dying inside and out.

Today I buy your book as a gift for everyone I know. It’s my standard go-to, like a scented candle, but with a brighter flame when ignited. I can see the black line fast approaching, and I answer private calls these days. The red line is in my rear vision mirror.

I just wanted to say thank you for literally saving my financial life. I didn’t go bankrupt. I made the calls. I cried with you. And screamed at you and learned from you. And formed a great relationship with my creditors. And survived. I began to live again. I educated myself and found a new kind of personal wealth. Thank you.

Jasmine

Hi Jasmine,

That’s one of the nicest emails I’ve received this year, and a fitting one to end 2021 on.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

You Got This!

Scott.

My Son is a TikTok Star

Hi Scott,

My 15-year-old son owes a lot to homeschooling. He became super creative and started a TikTok profile @tcezy uploading weird, dark and mysterious content. He has amassed a huge 5.7 million followers in just over a year.

We get daily emails from all sorts of companies wanting him to promote something but so far he has only agreed to one and it made him a staggering $10,000 . Now that could be it. But for the moment what should he do with it?

Jackie

---

Hi Jackie

So I just spent way, way, way too long watching your son’s videos.

Then again, that’s the point right?

He’s got more engagement than any prime-time television show, and unlike the idiot box, his ads won’t be a signal to duck off to the dunny.

In other words, this is a genuine business (though his business partner is a super creepy Chinese Artificial Intelligence company that is manipulating its users).

Still, if your son can continue creating great content he’ll have hit the jackpot: a well-paid job he’d gladly do for free!

As for what to do with the $10,000, I’d ask him to think about his saving goals:

Will he want a car in a few years?

If so, he’s better off saving it in an online saver.

However, I’d encourage him to invest the bulk of it in shares (there’s plenty of apps that can do it at a low cost), and only check the price every few years.

What an adventure. You should be proud!

Scott.

Help Me Get My Hubby’s Money

Hi Scott,

Two weeks ago, my husband had a workplace injury that left him with a shattered skull and in an induced coma. He is now in an acquired brain injury unit. He is making progress each day but the long-term impacts on him, his work and our life have yet to be discussed. I only work two days a week as we have two young children. The question is, as we have separate bank accounts, how do I gain access to his account? And what do you suggest I do to support my family financially?

Kelly

Hi Kelly,

What an absolute disaster!

I can’t imagine how stressful this would be for you … so I’m going to be very specific on what you should do.

First, you need to lawyer up.

Provided your husband was not a contractor, his employer must, by law, have Workers Compensation insurance.

Here’s the dance: you want the maximum payout, whereas the insurer wants the minimum. That’s why you need a workplace compensation lawyer to provide you counsel.

Second, hopefully your husband has both a medical and financial power of attorney (POA), so you can act on his behalf, and if not, get them written up. That’ll allow you to access his bank accounts.

Finally, after you’ve put the kids to bed, pour yourself a cuppa and write this five-part ‘breathing room’ letter:

1. Explain what has happened to your husband.

2. Write emotionally about the effect his accident has had on you and your kids.

3. Describe what the loss of income has meant for you so close to Christmas.

4. Ask for a minimum three-month moratorium on your payments (so you won’t have to pay anything till February 2022). That will give you breathing room while you explore compensation arrangements and apply for any Centrelink payments you may be entitled to.

5. Attach any workplace or medical reports.

Bring this letter when you see your lawyer and let them look over it.

Then send it to your bank, your insurer, your utilities providers, and any other companies that will be charging you big bills in the next few months. (If you’re not sure where to send them, Google the provider’s name and ‘hardship department email’).

If any of your creditors give you any pushback, email me back and I’ll sort it out for you.

Scott.

The best Christmas gift under $30

Christmas shopping sucks, right?

Not for me.

Years ago, I cracked the Christmas shopping code: I buy people books.

They’re the ultimate present — they cost under $30, they don’t need a separate card (I simply scribble a Merry Christmas message on the inside cover), and my local bookstore will even gift wrap them for me.

Job done!

Here are the books I’ve got in my Santa sack this year:

Devil Take the Hindmost: A History of Financial Speculation
Edward Chancellor

This is probably the best book on financial speculation ever written.

Devil Take the Hindmost finds that most speculative booms over the past 400 years have followed the same script:

It begins with a breakthrough technology that promises to revolutionise the world and deliver untold riches to investors.

The early investors make a fortune, which attracts novice investors (who often gamble with borrowed money).

And then, when least expected, prices begin to wobble. The true believers see it as a blip, and buy the dip.

And then comes Black [Insert Day], when prices plunge and everyone loses their mind, and their shirt.

This book is a great gift for anyone who holds Dogecoin.

Meditations
Marcus Aurelius

It’s been said that the majority of the stuff we consume on our phones was created within the last 24 hours.

We snack on clickbait headlines, mean tweets and skin shots like sugary junk food designed to hit our dopamine receptors. And it leaves us feeling empty, insecure and unsatisfied.

My view?

It’s time to get a bit more fibre in your information diet.

Tweets can be fired off on the toilet. Clickbait articles are spun out in media sweatshops solely for eyeballs. Writing a book, on the other hand, takes hundreds of hours of labour, deep thought and craft. And the very best stand the test of time – some literally for thousands of years – like Meditations, by Marcus Aurelias.

It’s called that because that’s what you’re reading: the private thoughts and meditations from the wisest Roman emperor in history, who is riffing on how to be a strong, stoic person … and not totally freak out and rock in a corner with crippling anxiety when you’re surrounded by war and disease.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...” (but presumably not to scroll mindlessly through Insta).

A great gift for anyone face down in their newsfeed over Christmas lunch.

Atomic Habits
James Clear

This is easily the best book on habit change I’ve ever read.

Let’s say you want to develop the habit of going to the gym. Rather than relying on willpower, or positive affirmations, or flogging yourself, Atomic Habits will get you to break the habit down as small as possible, like putting on your runners and showing up at the gym but not forcing yourself to go in and work out.

What’s all that about?

What you’re doing is proving to yourself that you’re the type of person who turns up at the gym. “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity”, says Clear.

A great gift after the trainwreck of the last few years. I mean, who doesn’t want to make a few changes in 2022?

Tread Your Own Path!

How to beat surging food bills

Around the farm, everything seems to be more expensive.

Yet nothing more than fertiliser, which has skyrocketed in price since I’ve been away, and is now at an all-time high.

I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, is this the Romsey Rag’s Farm Report or something?”

Well, hold up a minute, because what I’m talking about here has massive ramifications for 2022.

Global food prices have just hit a 10-year high — rising a staggering 30% this year — according to the United Nations.

A quick primer for those who figure their food magically comes from an underpaid dude on a bike:

Fertiliser is a key ingredient in how we feed the world. If farmers use less fertiliser, they’ll grow less food, which means that in poorer parts of the world there may be a lot of hungry people next year. And, as my old mate Tim Fischer used to say, “society is three meals away from a revolution”.

For you and me, this will likely mean even higher food prices next year.

So let me show you how to beat the price rise.

The average Aussie household throws out 11% of the food they buy, which works out to be chucking $1,038 per year in the bin, according to the annual Rabobank Food and Farming Report.

So, given we all have a jar of something funky in our fridge that pre-dates the pandemic, here are a few practical things we’ve done lately to curb our food waste.

First, we Marie Kondo’d our pantry.

You don’t need to ask “Does this spark joy?” but “Would this give me salmonella?”

When in doubt, throw it out. (However if it’s canned or non-perishable food, do your bit and donate it to your local Food Bank — they really need it).

Second, we steer clear of shopping at the supermarket. Instead we order online, so we don’t end up buying stuff we don’t need. Throughout the week we keep a running list on Alexa, but you can use whatever digital overlord that tracks your life. Heck, you could even go Boomer and keep a list of stuff on the back of the fridge. Whatever works.

Finally, every parent knows that one of the biggest wasters of food is fussy kids. Well, we cracked the code on that one: as soon as we got our kids growing their own veggies, they couldn’t get enough of them.
We also have chooks for eggy soldiers … and fertiliser.

Tread Your Own Path!

This is How a Heart Breaks

Dear Scott,

We can’t buy a home. My fiancé and I both earn good money. We have a healthy deposit and budget and want to buy so we can start a family. We’ve offered more than they were asking and been told no — the vendor took a cash offer instead. We told agents we are pre-approved first home-buyers, yet they just don’t call us back. I obsess over realestate.com, ringing as soon as something comes up, only to find it was sold while waiting to be uploaded to the site. The constant rejection hurts when it’s holding us up from doing what we so desperately want to do — have a baby. Will it end? My heart breaks for anybody earning the average wage or below it. The dream of owning your own home must be feeling like a heart crushing unlikelihood.
Just another beaten-down first homebuyer

Hi-ya

I have a few thoughts.

First, as a property investor myself, I get no joy from surging house prices, which have increased a staggering 21% over the past 12 months. This isn’t healthy for the stability of our country.

Second, I believe interest rates will rise, and when they do they’ll burst the housing market bubble.

Let me be clear: I have no crystal ball, and picking short-term economic moves is a mug’s game — just ask the Reserve Bank, which has been consistently wrong on all manner of economic forecasts.

Yet it gets clearer when you zoom out:

In 1990 official interest rates were 17.5% … today they are 0.1%.

Question: where do you think they’ll go over the next five to ten years?

I asked my eight-year-old this question, and he said “Up!”

“After all, they can’t get that much lower, Dad.” (Get this kid a seat on the RBA board!)

So when interest rates rise — and they surely will — it’ll be brutal for many people who’ve borrowed too much. I can’t tell you when that will be … the only thing I can say with great certainty is that you don’t want to be up to your eyeballs in debt when they do.

Finally, who says you need to own a home to have a baby?

Be a smart, savvy, cashed-up renter … rather than a postcode povvo.

Scott.

A Super Confession

Hi Scott,

My husband and I have been with Christian Super Fund for the past 20 years. Today they sent us a letter saying that they’ve been underperforming and that we should change funds. My husband is 61 and I’m 59. We don’t have much super. Should we be worried about this?

Jenny

Hi Jenny,

So it’s confession time at Christian Super:

“Forgive me, member, for we have sinned … we have consistently underperformed other super funds.”

For background, earlier this year 13 super funds were named and shamed by the regulator. The Government then forced these dud funds to write a letter to their (combined 1.1 million) members and not only confess their sins but recommend they switch to a better product using the Government’s YourSuper comparison tool.

Can you imagine if you had to do this to your girlfriend?

“Jenny, it’s come to my attention that I’m a jerk. I’ve underperformed for so many years that I’m writing to you today to suggest you go on Tinder and find someone who can truly listen, get along with your mother, and meet your needs without being passive aggressive.”

Personally, as a strictly low-cost index fund investor, I have very little sympathy for super funds that underperform the benchmarks over the long term. Even so-called ethical funds like Christian Super. Fact is, there are low-cost index funds that will screen out unethical companies. Use them instead. Then donate the extra money you make to causes that you’re passionate about.

Scott.

Father Warns His Son Not to Read Barefoot

Dear Scott,

I’m 17 now, and I read The Barefoot Investor for Families when I was 14. I was in Dymocks and saw your book. My dad sighed and said, “You won't like it, why don’t you pick out Harry Potter or something”. He eventually gave in and bought it for me. I’m so glad he did, because your book started my financial journey. On my 15th birthday, I opened a bank account. Since then, I’ve invested $5,000 in a diverse share portfolio (thank you, index funds!), started contributing to my super, and started a business doing data entry for medical firms. I owe you a lot.

Jed

Hi Jed

Dude, you are literally sticking it to the man … your old man!

Still, I bet he’s damn proud of what you’ve achieved: to be an investor (inside and outside of super!) and to have opened up a small business as a teenager?! Seriously, you rock.

Everyone talks about the power of compound interest, yet the truth is that almost everyone watches it pass by.

Not you.

You are setting yourself up to be a compounding machine.

Scott.

Multimillion-dollar Mortgage

Scott,

I’ve wanted to write to you for years, but have been too shy. I just wanted to say thank you. A few years ago we were on a wage of less than $80k a year — with a couple of million dollars in mortgage debt, and credit cards and personal loans up to our eyeballs. I was following advice from property investment books, so I thought we were setting ourselves up for success. How wrong I was. After reading your book, now we have no debt, one property and over $100k in Mojo. I literally never thought we would be in this position and feeling this secure. Thank you.

Ben

Hey Ben,

You were in debt of a couple million dollars on a salary of less than $80,000? In the world of financial influencers on Instagram, you’d be a success story … who was stressed out of his eyeballs and couldn’t sleep at night. Well done for treading your own path!

Scott.

My Boyfriend Owes me $85,000

Hi Scott,

I got into debt a few years back, but read your book and was debt-free by October 2019 at the age of 26. I felt amazing! Fast-forward to today and I’ve borrowed $85,000 via personal loans and dipping into my super … to give to my boyfriend. He had a rough couple years — lost his job and had custody battles with his ex — and I wanted to support him. But now I’m desperate. I have nothing in my savings and I live week to week. He’s trying to get a loan to put the debt into his name but his chances aren’t looking good as he has a bad credit rating and unexpected bills keep popping up. The bank says the loan will probably need to be secured. My friends have given me a hard time about it but I just wanted to help my boyfriend like he would have done for me. Is there anything we can do to get the debt out of my name?

Linda

Hey Linda,

I’m not going to judge you ... as I’m sure you’re already being pretty hard on yourself.

Okay, I can’t stop myself: I’m really dirty that you took money out of your super, Linda. That was for your retirement!

All right, I’ve got that off my chest so let me answer your question. If he’s got no assets, no income, and a bad credit rating, he’s going to struggle to get a loan. You could request to have his name added to the loans, but you’ll still both be jointly and severally liable: so if he doesn’t pay they’ll still chase you.

Here’s the deal: it’s up to him to pay it back. If he wants to prove his love and commitment to you, he’ll work two jobs (plus deliver pizzas at night) to pay it off. I’d sit him down and explain that you helped him out of love and because you knew that he’d do the same thing for you. Well, now it’s time for him to prove it.

Scott.

You’re An Embarrassment, Barefoot

Mr Pape,

You are costing your followers HUGE gains by sticking your head in the sand with crypto. Okay, so let’s put to one side the 1000%+ gains that have been made on various coins, and focus on income. Who doesn’t want a 17% return from staking coins? Crypto and DeFi (Decentralised Finance) are the future. The Barefoot Investor is the past. Wake up. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Chris

Hi Chris,

First, an apology to my dear old mother, who always asks: “Why do you print the questions of people who attack you?”

(Because it keeps me amused, Mum.)

Chris, you have me all wrong: I’m wide awake, and watching finance being both disrupted and digitised.

The only difference is that I haven’t made it part of my belief system, as so many other people seem to have.

That’s how I can simultaneously admire and cheer on the next development of the internet (dubbed ‘web3’), while also calling out a lot of dumb, greedy stuff that’s going on. And there is a LOT of dumb stuff happening right now. Case in point, a crypto token that shares the name of the new COVID-19 variant ‘Omicron’ skyrocketed 1100% last weekend.

Why?

Because it has the same name. Seriously. It starts and ends right there. Then Monday came the hangover, and the coin nosedived 75% overnight. Yet at the time of writing, it’s still worth around $440 million. That’s some serious coin!

Finally, let me answer your question: “Who doesn’t want a 17% return staking coins?”

Me!

Let me explain why: for all the amazing technological progress that’s occurring right now, none of it changes the basic tenet of risk and reward. In a world of zero percent interest rates, any investment that offers a 17% yield is a red flag that you’re taking on an increased risk that you’ll lose your money.

I pray for you Chris.

Scott.

Three podcasts I’m listening to

The great thing about spending months on the road with your family is that you get to know them on a deeper level.

For instance, it turns out my wife has a quota — a set number of words she says in a day — after which she’s done.

As in no more chitty chat.

Just silence.

I discovered this little nugget about two hours into what would become a 300-hour journey … which gave me the green light to binge on podcasts guilt free.

Here’s my takeout: there are too many podcasts. Everyone seems to be doing one (well, except me) … heck even the blokes who did my irrigation have a show (shout out to the Irrination podcast!).

In other words, you need a filter, otherwise you’ll drown in drivel. And with that in mind, rather than giving you show recommendations, let me give you three single podcast episodes that really hit the mark for me:

Episode: How Zillow Failed at Flipping Homes
The Journal

Could you imagine if Realestate.com.au or Domain decided to start buying and selling houses for profit?

After all, they know how many clicks and sales each house, street, and suburb are getting ... and with all that data they could buy undervalued homes and make a fortune, right?

Well, this is exactly what happened with the biggest real estate listing site in the US, Zillow. In 2018 Zillow predicted their house-flipping operation would quickly become a $US20 billion business.

And today it is a … zero dollar business.

This episode tells the story of how Zillow had every advantage: big data, artificial intelligence, and a booming housing market, yet managed to lose $500 million in a short few years.

Episode: Walt Mossberg's Take on Mark Zuckerberg and More
The Sway

Imagine having dinner with a crusty old journo who spills the beans on what tech billionaires are really like.

That’s what this episode delivers, with legendary (now retired) tech journo Walt Mossberg as the guest.

Walt talks about back in the day having stand-up arm-waving arguments with both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates … but he says he still respected them because they had principles.

And his thoughts on the new guard?

Well, Elon Musk is as vain and egotistical as he is on Twitter, and Twitter founder Jack Dorsey comes off as a weirdo. And here’s what he says about Zuck: “In my encounters with Mark Zuckerberg, I’ve never been able to discover any principles.” Stick that in your Metaverse, Mark!

Episode: Is Cryptocurrency the Silver Bullet to Inflation?
David McWilliams Podcast

This episode is full of contrast; David McWilliams is a sensible, thoughtful Irish economist, and he interviews Max Keiser, a Bitcoin bull most famous for tearing up a $US10 bill on live TV and screaming, “The dollar is going to Zero, Buy Bitcoin!” McWilliams does his best to leave you with a balanced perspective, without resorting to screaming or ripping up money. Listen to this if you want to know more about crypto. Which brings me to my first question …

Tread Your Own Path!

Escaping in the Middle of the Night

Dear Scott,

When I read your book three years ago I knew what I had to do. My husband had always had a temper, and in the back of my mind I knew I had to leave him.

With each Covid lockdown he got more depressed and more abusive towards me and my two girls. Last month we fled with just our overnight bags. It was all a blur.

This has been the toughest year of my life, but because of you I had a secret Mojo account that has allowed me to rent a tiny apartment and buy the essentials. We have financial security and personal safety. Thank you from the three of us.

Lisa

Hi Lisa

I’m so sorry for what your family has gone through.

Now we Barefooters are a big community, and I want to speak directly to the thousands of women who are reading these words and are currently living in a dangerous situation: you don’t have to wait to save up the money to cover the bare necessities, but you do need to have a support team around you before you go.

Speak to a financial counsellor (1800 007 007) about getting the basics in place. In many cases the counsellor can organise things quickly, including crisis payments, temporary accommodation, basic necessities, and dealing with your bank (they don’t advertise it, but I’ve found the banks do a bloody good job supporting women).

Family violence affects one in six women — of every age, in every wealth bracket, and in every suburb. Each year it feels like the rates of reported family violence get worse, but thankfully the help available gets better too.

Scott.

Here’s Something SHOCKING

Scott,

My mother has been diagnosed with dementia and will be going into 24-hour care. She has a caravan-park-living boyfriend who is a raging alcoholic and has increasingly isolated her from everyone and everything. Mum was never a drinker, but he has religiously fed her alcohol every morning from 9am onward! On the very first night I met him 10 years ago, virtually the first thing he said to me was, “You don’t have to worry about your inheritance — I don’t want anything from your mother”.

I found this strange at the time, and with recent developments I believe he’s been playing the ‘long game’ from day one.

You see, Mum owns her own house, solely purchased by her. But (according to her friends) he has been trying to gain access to her bank account and trying to get her to sell her house. He’s also taken her to her lawyer to ‘update’ her paperwork.

He has told everyone that Mum and I (and my siblings) are estranged, but he won’t allow me to visit, he sorts her mail, he screens her calls, and he hangs up on me when I call. I am financially sound and have never wanted or expected anything from Mum. As far as I’m concerned, her house is hers, and it’s her equity to support her for whatever time she has left. Is there a way to make sure the boyfriend doesn’t take everything, leaving her high and dry?

Nella

Hi Nella,

Congratulations, I believe you’ve just asked the longest question I’ve ever published.

The first thing I’d do is ask your mother if she has signed an enduring power of attorney (POA).

Explain to her that whoever is named on the POA can make financial decisions on her behalf, like accessing her bank account or selling off her property. Obviously, while she’s of sound mind the person holding her POA should only act as directed by her. Yet when and if your mother loses her mental facilities the POA continues on …

So what can you do if he’s already stitched up the POA?

Well, I spoke to my lawyer (Dr Brett Davies) and he said you could go to court and apply for an overriding ‘administration order’, which in most cases overrides and replaces the POA.

The court will hear the stories from both sides and decide who is best to control your mother’s assets while she lacks the mental capacity to do so. Even better? The administration order has the ability to outline who your mum can associate with.

Boom!

Scott.

Have I Been Gone Too Long?

Scott,

I know you’ve written about it in the past but for the life of me I can’t find it. What is the product sold at Bunnings for removal of scale from toilets?

Thank you! Drinda

(A note to the reader: I swear on my Bunnings sausage this is a real question I received this week. Still, I can’t work out whether I’ve been gone too long and she’s forgotten who I am … or if I really am in the toilet?)

Hey Drinda,

Holy crap!

Now I’m not licensed to give toilet cleaning advice, but, since you asked, I’ve had good results using Hillmark Scalex Descaler. It costs around $12 a tube, and it’ll do a good job providing you use it with warm water.*

* Disclaimer: past performance is not a reliable indicator of future performance.

Scott.

My crypto confession

It was a privilege just to be there.

We were deep in the outback on a guided tour run by First Nations people. Our host, a traditional elder, showed us incredible ancient rock art, pointed out animal tracks, and told us dreamtime stories.

It really was a spiritual experience.

At the end of the tour, our host came up to me and asked:

“What do you like?”

“Oh, all of it”, I gushed.

He looked a little perplexed as he pulled out his phone.

“Here’s what I like,” he said, gesturing for me to take a look at his phone.

What was on his phone?

His crypto portfolio.

Wow.

Here I was, in the middle of the Never-Never, with the oldest living culture on earth, and we were discussing … Dogecoin?

That was the first time I fully grasped that crypto really has gone mainstream in Australia.

Earlier this month Commbank announced they’ll soon give their 6.5 million customers the option to trade crypto smack bang on it’s banking app. My bet is the other banks won’t be far behind them. (After all, the Big Four are about as relevant as incontinence pads to Millennials, so they’re desperate to show the kids they’ve finally unchained their ballpoint pens from their desks.)

Bitcoin is one of a staggering 7773 cryptocurrencies in the world.

For the record, I think what’s going on in the crypto space is absolutely fascinating. We’re in the early stages of a revolution, watching the financial industry be both disrupted and democratised. Clearly, this is the future.

Yet history also teaches us that in every gold rush there are scams, cons and bubbles just waiting to be popped.

This time is no different. If anything it’s worse — today a majority of Gen Z investors in the US think crypto will make them millionaires, according to a new survey by data analytics firm Engine Insights.

It won’t happen.

There are now a staggering 7773 cryptocurrencies, according to Coinmarketcap (compared to 180 traditional currencies across the world!).

Let me be clear: I am sure that a handful of these will be genuinely transformational (don’t ask me which ones). And I’m also just as sure that the vast majority of these coins will end up being worth digital diddly squat.

Still, now that crypto has gone mainstream, it’s me who needs the reality check. Statistically, there’s a good chance you own crypto … or at least you’re thinking about it. And if that’s you … all I can say is best of luck!

Tread Your Own Path!

The best investment I've ever made

Today I want to tell you about the best investment I ever made.

It was always going to be highly speculative — a total punt — that could have blown up spectacularly:

In July we set out for a family road trip: all six of us (including a teething baby!) in a motorhome.

The plan was to do the East Coast, getting up as high as The Daintree before heading back to Victoria.

Yet each time I checked the Victorian news there always seemed to be a giant picture of Dan Andrews, head cocked to one side, looking perplexed and angry.

We were heading back … but to what?

Rioting in the streets. Lockdowns. Earthquakes. Oh, and COVID. Lots’a COVID.
So we decided that now was a very good time to do a lap of Australia.

Well, actually, I decided that, and then I put it to the family.

Liz promptly pooh-poohed the idea as she was worried the kids would miss too much school. Yet the kids wanted to keep the adventure going, so they came up with a great idea:

They would film a weekly TV show they called ‘RV News’.

The eight-year-old was the host, and he’d throw to his little roving reporters (his brothers and sister). Together they researched where we were going, talked to people, and showed off the attractions to their audience (consisting of their grandparents, their classmates back home, and, many years from now, their own kids).

We ended up getting 13 episodes in the can. Now that’s great for the kids, but let me tell you about some of the saucy stuff that didn’t make it into ‘RV News’.

The Good

We kept it real on the road, often free camping.

One night we stayed on a 20,000-acre cattle station where they let you camp by their horse stables for a few bucks.

During the afternoon, the station owner drove past and must have taken pity on us — a big family sitting in the stinking hot Queensland sun — and generously invited us up to the homestead for dinner.

However, when we arrived, his wife stared at us in horror and promptly disappeared into another room.

Weird.

As I sat down at the table, she re-emerged and placed a copy of a local women’s magazine in front of me. She’d opened it to a page where she’d been interviewed about her life on a large property. One of the questions the interviewer had asked her was, “If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be?”

She had said, “The Barefoot Investor”.

Throughout the trip I met plenty of Barefooters, and it was always a treat (even the oldies who took photos of me like I was a zoo animal — they’d barrel up unannounced, stick their phone in my face, and then spend the next few minutes trying to work out how to take a photo).

The Bad

We were doing our best to stay one step ahead of the COVID lockdowns. And the talk around the campsites was that getting into Western Australia was as hard as crossing North Korea’s demilitarised zone.

And WA didn’t disappoint.

To enter the state you were required to spend a minimum 14 days in the (low-risk) Northern Territory. Fair enough. We dutifully followed the rules and were approved, which came in the form of a downloaded QR code via their G2G app.

We approached the WA border — which is literally out the middle of nowhere— and were met by three police officers. It was 40 degrees, the baby was crying, and the kids were melting down.

I wound down my window, smiled, and showed one of the police officers the QR code.

“We don’t care about the QR app”, she said.

“Sorry?”

“It could be faked”, she said sternly.

“How? I mean, it’s your own app, right?”

She shook her head dismissively.

“I want to see the photos on your phone … all of them.

“And your bank accounts.”

I stared at her blankly.

She must have thought I was a few stubbies short of a six-pack, so she spoke slowly but forcefully:

“Log into your bank account. Log into your personal pictures. Hand me your phone.”

So I did.

The policewoman took my phone and stepped away from our motorhome. About 15 minutes later, she started looking agitated.

“Tell me about THIS photo”, she said, holding my phone up to my face.

“Uh-oh”, I said.

“UH-OH?!”, she parroted back, her eyes bulging.

My phone had incorrectly tagged a recent photo as having been taken in Queensland, not the NT.

“It’s Apple’s ‘uh-oh’, not mine, officer”, I laughed.

The policewoman did not laugh.

At this point Liz leaned over, elbowed me in the ribs, and politely explained the IT error to the officer.

She listened, grumbled, but had no choice but to wave us through.

The Jackpot

I’ll tell you, I have never, ever felt wealthier than I did on our trip.

I got to totally unplug from everything and (in the words of my editor) “drop off the face of the planet”.

(It’s true, after not hearing from me for months the newspaper had all but given up on me ever returning.)

Yet what I earned in return was the privilege of spending large, uninterrupted dollops of time with my family.

See, as a parent, the days are long but the years are quick ... and you only get a very short time to really influence your kids. Because when they turn 18 you have to share that influence — with their friends, with their bank, with their Instagram account, with their boss. None of whom care as much as you do.

Thankfully, life is simpler on the road. It has to be. You’re literally strapped into a confined space. There can only be one song playing at a time (Johnny Cash for me, Adele for Liz, and The Lion King for the kids). And there’s only so much you can cram into a motorhome when you have six people living in it.

What we discovered was that we didn’t need or miss our ‘stuff’ at home. It was a diversion. More space often means more junk. More places to hide.

Instead, we traded convenience and possessions for freedom and adventure … and a funny thing happened. The petty fighting stopped. The outbursts stopped (even from Dad). The kids pitched in and we became a united crew, all looking out for each other.

That’s not to say it was easy … far from it!

When the baby would wake in the middle of the night teething (most nights), we would all wake up. Each morning we’d find ourselves like John Lennon and Yoko Ono with six people in our tiny bed. The kids lived out of their school backpacks. We all wore the same stuff for days on end.

We’d pull up at a campsite and bemused grey nomads would look at us like clowns piling out of a Mini Minor:

“Look, George, there’s another one! And … a baby! All living in that tiny motorhome!”

“You’re brave!”, they’d jokingly tell us.

Maybe.

On the final day of the trip, we quizzed the kids about what was their best experience.

Our (often painfully shy) six-year-old piped up and said:

“I think I’m braver than I was before this trip.”

Tread Your Own Path!

Thanks for reading,

Scott.