Can I Block My Husband?

Hi Scott,

I dread my parents passing away! Apart from the emotional devastation, I am petrified about the financial impact the inheritance (built during a lifetime of hard work) may have. I wish to invest it to secure my family’s future, but my husband will want to spend every cent. He refuses to do a budget and will not ditch the credit cards, and I fear this will be another area in life where he will cause havoc. Do I have any right to block him (without divorce)?

Kim

Hi Kim,

Yes, technically, you could block him.

Here’s how:

First, you’d get your parents to set up a three-generational testamentary trust (which means their assets are automatically placed into a trust after they pass).

Second, you’d name a relative -- who is on your side – but independent-- to be the trust executor.

Third, they’d (hopefully!) keep a tight grip on what the trust money gets spent on.

And then you’d all live happily ever after!

Well, actually, let’s role-play this for a second:

You: “I’m getting an inheritance from Mum and Dad, but I’m not allowing you to spend any of it.”

Husband: “Huh? Why?”

You: “Because … I actually don’t trust you with money … you’ll just end up blowing it.”

Stop.

Kim, how do you think the rest of this conversation will play out?

Badly, I’d suggest.

It sounds like you need couple’s counselling to focus on the underlying issues in your marriage.

Regardless, I like the idea of a three-generational testamentary trust, mainly for the flexibility it affords in tax planning. Still, while your parents are getting their lawyers to draft this up, ask them to include a ‘divorce protection trust’ in their wills.

Just in case.

Scott.

Budgeting For Women

Scott,

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your column last week, where you replied to Roseanna, a domestic violence survivor, and provided some really sound advice on how to escape her abusive and controlling partner while still remaining financially safe. I work in the family violence sector and almost every woman I have worked with has a story of an abusive partner incurring huge debts in her name, without her knowledge or consent. And many women, through coercive control, are not able to work and therefore have no access to money, employment, stability or super. So to see some really practical steps written in an empathetic way is heartwarming.

Kate

Hey Kate,

Thanks for the kind words.

Before I began working as a financial counsellor, I often wondered to myself “Why don’t these women just up and leave?”

Then I saw first hand how many women — and their kids — get financially trapped in these dangerous situations.
Helping them find a way out financially is one of the most important things we can do for them — and the effects can last for generations.
That’s what financial counsellors do, and the long-term economic benefits (over generations) make it an incredibly important and wise investment for the Government.

Speaking of which, here’s something interesting:

Right now financial counsellors are sweating on the upcoming federal Budget to finally unveil a sustainable industry funding model to keep us doing this important work. We’re told this budget will have a strong focus on women … so it should be a done deal, right?

Next week is Mother’s Day, so if you have a story about a Barefoot Mum please email me at scott@barefootinvestor.com and I’ll do my best to celebrate them!

Scott.

All I Wanted To Be Was A ‘Good Mum’

Dear Scott,

My husband bailed on me when my son was just 18 months old, leaving me with the most beautiful boy in the wide world but nothing much else. He grew into a teenager but by then things were not going well. One night, I was on the floor gasping from the weight of uncertainty and crushing fear, thinking I might not be able to provide for him, or even to keep our home. All I ever really wanted to be was ‘a good mum’ but I was flattened.

Thankfully, some dear friends gave me your book, and I read the whole thing in a day. I bawled for a good hour at ‘You got this’, then went back to page one and worked through it step by step. Since that time, I have set up my buckets, taken control of the mortgage, paid off my car loan (five years early) and negotiated two payrises. Although our Splurge and Smile buckets are small, we save up for special times together and life is good. So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Your books and advice have changed my life and my son’s life.

Rosie

Hi Rosie,

You did it! You are a good mum!

You may not realise it but, to quote Paul Simon, you’ve got diamonds on the souls of your shoes.

Your struggle is a family legend that has the potential to influence your son’s life for the better.

So, over a Sunday dinner, talk about gasping on the floor, feeling totally defeated … and, importantly, how you rose up. Refer to the struggle and the triumph over and over again.

The subtext to the story is: “We get knocked down, but we get back up again, and we win.”

That’s the stuff your son is made of … and it’s part of his story too.

Scott.

How Can I Escape My Abusive Partner?

Scott,

I am 29 and living with an abusive partner. After years of disinterest, he suddenly wants to ‘go Barefoot’ — now that I have a new job! I am wondering how I can follow my own Barefoot path and still keep money hidden away so I can escape this relationship. Perhaps I should follow your book with my partner AND open another account on the side. Any advice?

Roseanna

Hi Roseanna,

My heart goes out to you — there is no excuse for abuse.

Now, to your question: should you do the Barefoot plan with him?

Hell, yes.

In fact, I want you to take the lead on it. It is, after all, the perfect excuse to get things sorted, without him realising you’re actually plotting your escape.

So, gather up all your financial details: super, debts, savings and bills:

Whose names are they in? Who has the authority on the accounts? Is there any money owing?

Keep copies of everything.

And, most importantly, if you can, do all of this at work … never from home.

Reason being, he may have access to your mobile, your home computer, and probably your snail mail. Worse, on some devices (like Apple) you can be tracked (via the Find My iPhone app), or he may be able to read your text messages on another Apple device (like an iPad).

Bottom line? Protect yourself.

While you’re at work and have some privacy, call the following numbers:

First, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for free confidential information, counselling and referrals to other support services.

Second, call your bank’s hardship department (google it). Each major bank has dedicated teams set up for their customers who are experiencing family violence. Ask them to set up an account in your name (with a separate, secure internet banking password), which will serve as your getaway fund.

Third, call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007 and ask for a referral to a free financial counsellor in your area, who can work with you to not only help plot your escape but ensure you have financial security after you leave.

Finally, read Rosie’s story below.

You got this!

Scott.

Barefoot Valentine’s Day

Hello Scott,

Our relationship began in an online Barefoot group about two years ago — and we just got married last month! We are hard-working teachers who enjoy being thrifty. We have an ETF share portfolio and an investment property, and we are enjoying the financial freedom of following the Barefoot Steps.

To be together we have had to contend with personal tragedy, extended border restrictions that separated us for months, and a two-week quarantine. We have also had some unexpected medical expenses in this bizarre year. But the whole time we repeated “We’ve got this!” Our wedding was small, uncomplicated and focused, with the same happiness observed as at weddings that cost 10 times what we spent.

Thanks again, Simon and Michelle

Hi guys,

You made my day.

When I started writing this column, I had no idea it would turn into a community.

Yet, over the past 17 years, thousands of Barefooters from all around the country have read along with the questions in these pages each week. Sometimes they thump the table … shake their head … and ask “how the hell did they get themselves into this mess?”

But every now and again a question pops up that has everybody cheering. And, today, yours is it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Scott.

Pregnant and Petrified

Dear Scott,

My husband and I have now split our finances because he wants more spending money for himself. The truth is, he has not been making enough to split the bills 50/50, and he always has an excuse to not work full time – headache, toothache, anxiety. I am six months pregnant and due to go on maternity leave, meaning my income will not cover our bills. We have a personal loan in my name for $11,000 and no other debt, but I have no idea what to do anymore to keep myself above water. I’m petrified! What do I do?

Steph

Hi Steph,

I can help you with this.

See, my wife is about to give birth too. However this isn’t our first rodeo … it’s actually our fourth.

And through trial and (many) errors we’ve worked out what we need to do ahead of the baby coming.

It’s actually not unlike preparing for fire season: we know there’s going to be many flare ups over the next 12-months, so it’s important to plan things out before the ‘heat’ of a crying baby, sleep deprivation, and a messy house, come to bear.

For you guys it’s focussing on financial preparation: I want you to sit down together and write out a 12-month budget. If he’s resistant to that, call 1 800 007 007 and get a referral to sit down with a free financial counsellor (they may in turn refer you to someone in the agency who is an expert in budgeting).

Factor in spending at least $3,000 or more setting things up for the baby (though you should get creative and see what you can get as hand-me-downs, or second hand). And work through all your expenses over the next year, and see what you can cut -- and what your partner can add to the equation.

Here’s the truth: When the baby comes out you’ll give it all your emotional energy. The last thing you want to do is add the additional stress of fighting with your partner about money.

So, get this sorted pronto, and buckle up for the ride of your life. You got this!

Scott

Here’s what could happen in 2021

Let’s discuss what could go wrong in 2021, and what you can do about it.

Of course newspapers are chock-full of experts making predictions about “what’s in store for the next year”, so, before I throw my hat in the ring, let me shake the sauce bottle:

How many smart sausages this time last year wrote, “We predict that a pandemic will sweep the planet and lock many of us down in our homes. Our recommendation: stockpile toilet paper in February.”

That’s the err, rub, right?

Well, for what it’s worth, my view is that the next few years could be financially brutal for many businesses, for those workers who are laid off or underemployed, and for retirees who have had their investment income slashed.

However, it’s because of all this misery that things in 2021 could actually get a little … loose.

Here’s the two-hander:

The Reserve Bank has set rates at (effectively) zero to stop you from saving and encourage you to borrow up BIG.

The Government is even attempting to scrap responsible lending laws to get the party in full swing.

Heck, the RBA has given us a timeframe, having all but promised donut rates for the next three years.

What could possibly go wrong?!

Well, lots actually.

Like it or not, we’re living through a giant financial experiment: never has the world had so much debt. Never have interest rates been this low (they’re at thousand-year lows, according to Merrill Lynch).

And so the lesson I’m taking out of 2020, our annus horribilis, is this:

Life is unpredictable.

The truth is we spend most of our lives stressing about things that never happen. And then one day a bat flies the wrong way, and the next day people are going the biff over bog roll.

Think about it: the riskiest things — the ones that knock you on your backside — are often a bolt out of the blue.

For my family it was a fire that burned basically everything we owned.

For others it could be a relationship breakdown. Or an illness. Or an economic meltdown. Or a global pandemic.

So how can you and I prepare for them?

By asking yourself the following questions, today.

Barefoot’s Top Five Questions For 2021

1) “Is my money safe?”

Here’s the bolt out of the blue: you need to access your money quickly, but all your investments have tanked.

If you have money that you need to draw on in the next five years invested in anything other than a bank savings account or term deposit,you may well lose a chunk of it.

Like what?

Like property funds that offer a high rate of interest, or the share market, or cryptocurrency, or any other type of managed investment.

(The share market is not a safe place to hold your money in the next five years. However, it’s arguably the safest place to invest your money over decades, as it will outrun inflation.)

Here’s what you can do about it:

Keep any money you’ll need to spend in the next few years in a bank account (or term deposit) that is covered by the government deposit guarantee (up to $250,000).

Yes, that may sound like overkill, especially with interest rates this low. However, it’s not about the interest you earn (which is pitiful), it’s the sleep-easy factor of knowing you’ve got a backstop. That’s worth more to me and my mental health than any gain I could make in the market.

2) “How long could I last if I lost my job?”

Here’s the bolt out of the blue: your boss calls you into his (virtual Zoom) office on Friday … you’re being laid off.

It’ll never happen to you, right?

Well, I believe the lasting legacy of COVID is to radically change the concept of what we call work.

Think about it: employers have been thrown in the deep-end of the productivity pool this year. Many have had to deal with a reduced workforce who are working from home.

And, now things are getting back to normal, I wonder how many will look at last year and think to themselves:

“Maybe I don’t need all the staff I once had. And, even if I do, if they’re all working remotely … maybe I can hire cheaper workers somewhere else in the world?”

And yet one in five of us Aussies has less than $1,000, according to ME Bank’s latest biannual Household Comfort Report.

Here’s what you can do about it:

Follow the Barefoot Steps; after you’ve set up your buckets, domino-ed your debts and bought your first home (but not yet paid it off), the next Barefoot Step is to boost your Mojo savings to three months of living expenses.

I had a woman write to me in September telling me she thought having three months of Mojo was a total overkill. Yet, when they both lost their jobs, she said, “It was the most important thing in our world. It allowed us to breathe.”

3) “Am I covered?”

Here’s the bolt out of the blue: your house burns down, and you’re not fully covered.

Statistically, if you’re a normal little vegemite you will be underinsured. And the moment you’ll find out is after the fire, or the car accident, or the illness, or … the rats.

(Yes, one of the downsides to living on a farm is rodents. They somehow managed to get into both our cars and eat through $35,000 of interior and electrical work).

Here’s what you can do about it:

Dig out your insurance policies and check what you’re covered for you may need to increase it. If you’re unsure, call your insurer and ask them to review your policy. Life is full of dirty rats, so just make sure you’re fully covered for anything.

4) “Is my partner on the same financial page?”

Here’s the bolt out of the blue: your partner walks out on you.

Relationships Australia tells us the number one reason for relationship breakdowns is fights about money.

Here’s what you can do about it:

The monthly Barefoot Date Night is the cornerstone of my entire plan.

Making a monthly ritual of getting on the same financial page as your partner — and working through the Barefoot Steps — is the most powerful thing you can do to ensure you don’t end up losing half your assets.

If you don’t schedule it, you won’t do it. (We have ours on the first Tuesday of every month, which coincides with the monthly Reserve Bank meeting: how hot is that?)

And remember, money talk goes better with a wine (or taco) in your hand.

5) “If I got hit by a bus, would my family be able to put everything together?”

Here’s the bolt out of the blue: you leave your loved ones with a financial Rubik’s cube of frustration.

Picture your partner (or parents) sitting alone, distraught and grieving, trying to piece together your financial life.

They have no idea how to access your bank accounts, the password to your email and social media, your funeral wishes or even where your will is.

Here’s what you can do about it:

Spend an afternoon getting everything in one place.

At Barefoot we call it the Fearless Folder, and once it’s done you lock it away in a secure safe.

The feedback I get from people who have done it is that it’s Marie Kondo-cathartic to have it all sorted.

What’s more, it’s the final way you’ll say “I love you” to your loved ones.

And there you have it.

Each and every week, I show up and answer your questions.

Yet to really prepare for 2021 you need to ask yourself the right questions, and get the right answers for you.

Tread Your Own Path!

You Kicked Me in the Guts, Barefoot

Scott,

I was really disappointed by your comments last week to Melanie.

While I agree that framing the husband’s gambling expenditure as “what else could that money be used for” was a good idea, the way you said it felt like a kick in the guts to women:
 
“After all, he’s got a 1-in-140 million chance of winning the jackpot … but if he saved up his money and splurged on  a romantic night away with you (without the kidlets) … well, I’ll leave it up to you to explain his odds of hitting the jackpot.”

She is not an object to be bought or gambled upon. You have objectified her and mailed that out to your many followers. Her ‘putting out’ as a reward for attention and money is also playing into an old and damaging trope of women’s power and value only being in the pleasure we provide for men. It stinks of misogyny. You can do better, and Melanie (and the rest of us) deserve better than that.

Sally

Hi Sally

I’m sorry for offending you.

You need to know that you are not alone — I have been offending people for years.

(Recently I was accused of misandry — hating men — so I am at least an equal opportunity offender.)

In fact, these days I often run my column past my wife, just to make sure I edit out, in her words, “the country boy”.

(This one must have slipped through the cracks.)

So here are my thoughts.

One of the most difficult things about being in a relationship is managing money. That’s why I’ve written into my plan monthly Date Nights, so couples can talk about things over a nice meal and a wine and stay on the same page.

Perhaps I should have just said that, and left it at that.

Still, I’m a lover not a fighter, and I’ll gamble (almost) everything for love.

So I’ll just apologise and thank you for writing.

Nor Way! My Mother-in-Law is a Thief!

Hi Scott

We have had a bit of a shocker the past few days. My mother-in-law, who was visiting us from Norway, was arrested for shoplifting. We thought it was all a misunderstanding over a jar of manuka honey but, shockingly, she later admitted it was deliberate as she “didn’t feel like she’s worth much”. She also shared that she had incurred a huge debt (AU$1.7 million) on a bad business deal. She is 54 and is super-fit and organised, but she has not worked full time in a while and her main source of income is renting out rooms in her home, plus government handouts.

With my daughter-in-law hat on, I tried to encourage my husband to get her to see a counsellor. And, with my Barefoot hat on, I suggested she could sell an apartment she has that is worth $1 million. (She refuses to downsize from her main home as she is very attached to it.) Most importantly, I suggested she should get a job — any job! — because, aside from the financial upside, it would give her some purpose and a social life. But my husband tells me “she won’t get her government handouts” if she does. ARGH! What would be your 2 cents’ worth on all this?

Lexie

Hi Lexie,

Oh, I would be staying the hell away from this.

It sounds like your mother-in-law needs to sit down with a counsellor to help with her mental health.

If I were in your shoes, I’d encourage her to make an appointment with her GP, or call Beyond Blue (1300 224 636).

They’re qualified to deal with her situation, and they can refer her to a free financial counsellor.

Just understand that if she doesn’t want to get help then there’s nothing you can do. So, after encouraging her to see a professional, that’s exactly what I’d do: stay out of it, not lend her any money, and support your husband. That’s my 2 cents!

Scott

Help! My Boyfriend is a Swinger

Hi Scott,

My boyfriend is interested in ‘swing trading’. He saw it on Facebook. He says you give them $100 and then you get $1,000 back in seven days. I think it is a scam and not a healthy way to manifest income. However, I have this bias because I hate get-rich-quick schemes. Would you please explain what it is and whether it is worth it.

Belinda

Hi Belinda, I’m with you — it’s a scam.

However, if he’s not going to listen to you then I think it’s worth encouraging him to go through with it.

Think of it this way: your boyfriend will get a real-world, lifelong lesson in greed and stupidity.

And all it’s going to cost him is $100?

Sounds like a good deal to me. Just let him know that I think he’ll probably lose a lot more than $100.

Why?

Well, firstly, because he is GIVING MONEY TO A CRIMINAL.

And, secondly, because the scammers fishing on Facebook may bait their hooks with $100, but their real aim is to reel in thousands of dollars from their victims ... and they’ll use whatever psychological tricks they can to extract more money. They may let him nibble on a bit of shrimp, but he’ll end up in a deep fryer eventually.

Sounds like a swinging good time, right?

Scott

I’m Angry With You, Barefoot

Hi Scott,

Being a Barefooter, I am pretty disappointed with how you treated 22-year-old Tina with her question last week about her boyfriend investing $1,000 on her behalf. You basically ridiculed her. The fact that she took the time to ask for your help speaks volumes, but your reply did not offer one bit of advice on what she should do instead. Hopefully she has not lost her investment so far and may be able to put it into something better, should you advise her what that might be!

Justine

Hi Justine,

A recap: Tina wanted to give her boyfriend a grand of her own dough to invest because “he’d made $1,500 in 24 hours”. Yes, I used her question to make a broader point, namely that the stock market has lately become just another place for many young men to gamble.

However, I’m also sure Tina got the message loud and clear that her boyfriend’s day trading would end up in tears — and, Justine, I think that’s valuable advice (heck, I may have even saved their relationship!).

Okay, given the trouble that got me into, let’s double down and deal with another boyfriend question ...

Scott

Thank God for the Counsellors

Dear Scott,

I just want to encourage you with your financial counselling studies. I left an abusive 20-year marriage and felt the humiliation of going from being a teacher and university lecturer to a shadow of a woman holding up the supermarket queue as I counted coins for groceries. I should have stayed in our house. I should have had my own solicitor for the divorce. I should have made a claim on my ex-husband’s business and super. But I didn’t do any of these things … I was in trauma mode. My life may have taken a different path if I’d had financial counselling at this critical time. I think you are brave for what you are doing, and I wish you the very best.

Sue

Hi Sue,

You totally nailed why I became a financial counsellor.

A lot of my clients have ‘trauma brain’ which affects the financial decisions they make.It can happen to anyone, even educated, highly qualified people like yourself.

And when you fall into hardship, it’s critical there’s someone in your corner batting for you financially.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Scott

From $500 to $15,000

Scott

I do not have a question, I just want to say thank you. Two years ago I walked out of an abusive relationship with $500 to my name and debts that should never have belonged to me. My sister and brother-in-law gave me your book and I quickly decided this was how I would take control again. After two years of hard work and sacrifice, I have paid off all my debts and saved almost $15,000, and I am hoping to buy my first home at the end of 2020. I keep all of your columns in a folder called “YOU CAN DO IT” — and I did! 

Rachel

Hi Rachel,

I love celebrating the wins of the Barefoot community.

Yet I love it even more that right now, hundreds (if not thousands) of people in abusive relationships are reading your story and getting a little inspiration and motivation from hearing about someone who’s done it.

You Got This!

Scott

Should I Bail Out My Bro from a Million-Dollar Mess?

Hi Barefoot,

My dad died three years ago and left his house ($1 million) and super ($200,000) to my brother, and made me the executor. I was self-sufficient, so Dad told me I would not receive anything. Fair enough — I respect his wishes. Now my brother and his adult kids have almost run out of cash and are looking to me to bail them out, the way Dad always did. But I have my own family! How can I help my brother manage his affairs without preaching to him?

Hassan

Hi Hassan,

Plenty of people in your situation would’ve been bitter about not getting any inheritance, but not you. Instead, you were concerned about your brother’s needs, not your own.

That is deeply impressive.

So your next decision should continue in the same vein: it’s all about what’s best for him (and his kidults).

And giving them money is not it.

Your father’s money simply enabled his poor behaviour. It hindered rather than helped him. So deciding to give him more money would be like buying an alcoholic a beer because they’re thirsty.

My view?

Offer to help your brother to set up his basic spending buckets — and even be an ‘accountability partner’. Or, if that’s awkward, support him to go and see a free financial counsellor (call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007).

Your old man understood that you were strong enough, both financially and emotionally, to make it on your own, and that’s why he didn’t feel the need to give you any money. He was right.

Your brother is the real winner, though. You’re not only someone who can be a good money mentor, but you sound like a great bloke too.

Good luck.

Scott

Beware of 60-Year-Old Hussies!

Hi Scott,

My mum passed away two years ago, and it seems like my 80-year-old dad is being swooped on by several single women 20 years his junior. He lives alone in a lakeside community several hours away from us (my two brothers and me). We are concerned that he will be swindled out of his house and savings, so we have suggested he get his will and power of attorney (POA) sorted. We honestly cannot see what these women see in him, but his ego might tarnish his ability to protect his assets from clever predators. Do you have any family asset protection strategies that we should be aware of?

Dan

Hi Dan,

If you were my son, I’d give you a clip around the ears: “We honestly can’t see what these women see in him.”

Way to cut down your old man!

Then again, if you are dealing with the power of 60-year-old ‘predators’ (your words, not mine!), you’ll have your work cut out for you.

That being the case, I don’t feel qualified to answer this question, so I’ve called up my lawyer, Brett Davies. Here’s what he had to say:

“If your father is of ‘sound mind’, he is free to deal with his assets as he sees fit.“If it is clear he is of ‘unsound mind’, then you are free to use a POA. In fact, in most states you are duty-bound to do so, to protect the person who gave it to you. But the POA is only to help your father — you cannot use it solely to protect your inheritance.

“If he is of unsound mind, you can act against his direction, as he would lack mental capacity. For example, you could have bank accounts moved out of his control. But be careful — if you are wrong (i.e. your father is of sound mind) then you have broken the law. When in doubt, it may be prudent to go down the path of an administration order, which is when a court decides mental capacity, not you.”

Barefoot translation: by all means let your old man enjoy himself, just make sure he protects his nuts. 

Scott

My In-Laws Lied

Hi Scott,

My retired in-laws are bad with money — in fact they had to sell their still-mortgaged house to pay off a $50,000 credit card debt. While they sold (over a six-month period), we paid their mortgage from our own house deposit account. And then they bought a new mortgaged house they could not afford, and lied to us about how much it cost! They will not listen to reason, and I am sure history will soon repeat. Do we help them again and sacrifice our financial future, or do we refuse and feel heartless for letting them suffer?

Casey

Hi Casey,

If I were you, my index finger would be in plaster from all the finger-waving I’d be doing at these financial fools. However, I’m not you, and I don’t have to sit across from them at Christmas lunch.

Ultimately, this isn’t about your parents-in-law, it’s about your marriage. Your husband would be conflicted: he’s caught between his parents and his wife.

So, to your question: do you keep helping them?

Three words: no, no, and no.

Again, easy for me to say, hard for you to do. So I’d suggest you go on a date night with your husband and explain that you’re willing to forgive and forget their past financial faux pas (because really what other choice do you have?).

However, from this point on, you want to make a pact that you won’t enable their poor behaviour again. Besides, as the flight attendant says: “In case of emergency, fit your own breathing device first.”

Then brace for impact!

Scott

From Zero to Five Kids

Hi Scott,

My wife and I — who have had an ongoing struggle with infertility — foster three children. And it has been awesome. However, we have just been given news that has floored us. Last week our doctor called to say we’re pregnant … with twins! Having just picked myself up off the floor, I am trying to figure out how to fast-track our savings to raise five kids. You have helped us wipe out $55,000 worth of debt and save $40,000 for a deposit thus far. We would appreciate any extra advice you can give us now.

John

Hi John,

Now there’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming. I have three children under the age of six, and the most common greeting I get from people is “You look tired”. But you two have gone from a comfy Kia to Toyota Tarago territory in just one phone call!

If we’re looking ‘glass half full’, remember that you’ve already paid off $55,000 in debt and saved up a solid deposit in the bank.

Yet the truth is that one of you will have to take time off work, and, with twins, probably for quite a while.

My advice?

Well, I wouldn’t be rushing to buy a house anytime soon. Instead, the money you’ve saved up should stand as your financial buffer, at least until you’ve worked out the lay of the land. The last thing you need right now is mortgage stress. You’re already going to have sleepless nights — no need to add to them.

Scott

I’m on Lithium

Hi Scott,

My wife and I received $370,000 from the sale of our house, which I decided to invest into an Australian lithium producer. But over the last six months the share price has halved, leaving me (on paper at least) with a very distressing loss. My question is: do I let this ride until things pick up, or am I in a situation that could get even worse?

James

Hi James,

This could get much worse — especially if you haven’t told your wife about the share price plunge yet.She will likely process your confession as follows: you have taken her security — literally the roof over her head — and gambled it away at the casino.And you know what? She’s right.

Dude! What the hell were you thinking? Are you on lithium?

A quick google shows me that it’s been a wild ride for lithium stocks lately. Two headlines from the same publication, just four months apart, tell the story:

November 2018: “Why I think these lithium miners offer great growth potential for investors.”

March 2019: “Have lithium stocks hit rock bottom?”

I have three (boring) rules when it comes to investing:

First, I don’t like investing in speculative companies that don’t have a track record of making money.

Second, I don’t like investing more than 5% of my portfolio in any one stock.

Third, I would never, ever invest money I thought I might need within the next 10 years (say, to buy another house) into the stock market. While good in the long term, shares are just too risky in the short term.

I’m afraid you’ve broken all three of these rules. And, if you’re tempted to keep playing at the casino, remember that things can always get worse from here.

My advice is to stop listening to investment gurus who can’t predict the future, and start listening to someone who has a real interest in your future: your wife. Sit down and make a plan together. 

Scott

I’m Not the High Earner Anymore

Dear Barefoot,

For the last 16 years with my partner I have been the higher earner, and at times he has been unemployed. We have always pulled through together but I have mostly carried the financial burden. This year he has nailed a great contract and will earn 50% more than me. I don’t know how to begin a conversation about where that money is going to go. I don’t want to sound like I am holding a grudge, but I also don’t want him building a tidy nest-egg while I have little to show for the sacrifices I have made. What do I say?

Delia

Hi Delia,

Just blame me.Seriously, here are the exact steps you can take.

Step 1: Buy a copy of my book.

Step 2: Announce: “I’m reading this book and it says we need to go on a Date Night to discuss our finances.”

Step 3: With a beverage in hand, say something like “for 16 years we’ve been a team ‒ we’ve looked after each other financially ‒ but for the first time in our relationship I feel financially vulnerable”.

Step 4: Tell him, “The book says one way couples in long-term committed relationship can work through this is to open a joint transaction account, with a no-questions-asked pre-agreed spending limit. The book has instructions on the best account to set up, and we can do it before the entree arrives.”

Step 5: Then stop talking. Listen to what he says.Bottoms up!

Scott

Help, My Husband’s a Hoarder!

I just finished my first Barefoot Date Night with my hubby. My problem is that he is a hoarder, and the look on his face when he heard your advice about selling our stuff on Gumtree was nothing less than horror. And without selling a heap of stuff there is no way we will have a Mojo account. He earns way more than I do (as I have gone back to university) and I have already sold most of my stuff to pay for textbooks and such. What should I do?

Lee

Hi Lee,

So what you’re saying is “with my drop in income I feel vulnerable, and I want some financial security”.

And what your husband is saying is “I don’t really care”.

Is that too harsh?Probably (especially if he’s actually got a thing for hoarding).

I’m sure he does care … he just doesn’t need to think too deeply about it, because you keep things separate. He may not even realise you’ve had to sell some of your stuff to buy your university books.

Yet this approach isn’t working for you now, and it won’t help you achieve your joint life goals.

So if I were in your shoes I’d have another Date Night and put the issue fair and square on the menu:

As a couple, what do we value more: our stuff or our financial security?

Scott