How Can I Escape My Abusive Partner?

Scott,

I am 29 and living with an abusive partner. After years of disinterest, he suddenly wants to ‘go Barefoot’ — now that I have a new job! I am wondering how I can follow my own Barefoot path and still keep money hidden away so I can escape this relationship. Perhaps I should follow your book with my partner AND open another account on the side. Any advice?

Roseanna

Hi Roseanna,

My heart goes out to you — there is no excuse for abuse.

Now, to your question: should you do the Barefoot plan with him?

Hell, yes.

In fact, I want you to take the lead on it. It is, after all, the perfect excuse to get things sorted, without him realising you’re actually plotting your escape.

So, gather up all your financial details: super, debts, savings and bills:

Whose names are they in? Who has the authority on the accounts? Is there any money owing?

Keep copies of everything.

And, most importantly, if you can, do all of this at work … never from home.

Reason being, he may have access to your mobile, your home computer, and probably your snail mail. Worse, on some devices (like Apple) you can be tracked (via the Find My iPhone app), or he may be able to read your text messages on another Apple device (like an iPad).

Bottom line? Protect yourself.

While you’re at work and have some privacy, call the following numbers:

First, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for free confidential information, counselling and referrals to other support services.

Second, call your bank’s hardship department (google it). Each major bank has dedicated teams set up for their customers who are experiencing family violence. Ask them to set up an account in your name (with a separate, secure internet banking password), which will serve as your getaway fund.

Third, call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007 and ask for a referral to a free financial counsellor in your area, who can work with you to not only help plot your escape but ensure you have financial security after you leave.

Finally, read Rosie’s story below.

You got this!

Scott.