My Husband Sold My Home From Under Me

Scott,

My husband sold our family home without my knowledge ... Yes ... S.O.L.D. I.T! To give you some background, I am 36 years old and work in childcare, earning $45,000 a year. He and I separated some months ago -- it was a slow decline but the time had come. A few weeks ago he asked me if we could reconcile our marriage, and I said I was not sure. He replied with, “Well, I’m done and I have someone coming to buy the house”. He then completed the sale with a 30-day settlement. He is telling me I will get nothing. What can I do?

Rita

Hi Rita,

He’s not taking the separation well, is he?

Understand that he’s not basing his argument on sound legal opinion, but on lashing out irrationally after being rejected.

The first thing you should do is consult a family lawyer -- immediately -- and explain what’s happened. If your property was in joint names, he can’t just sell it from under you!

The second thing you should do is move on. As part of the divorce there will be a division of assets, including proceeds from the sale of the house, and it will also take into account any custody and child support arrangements. Onwards!

Scott

The Day I Got Pregnant ...

Hi Scott,

My partner and I married in April 2016. A month later it came out that he had massive debts from online spending. He had lied to me for the last 10 years. We had counselling, and he proceeded to pay off everything except a BIG debt of $40,000 (he runs his own business and earns $150,000 a year). Money is still a major issue, though he says paying off the debt is priority number one. Now, unexpectedly, I am pregnant, with around $10,000 in savings. Yet the day I confirmed my pregnancy with the GP, he bought an $800 briefcase. I am terrified -- what can I do?

Vickie

Hi Vickie,

If he’s earning $150k in his own business, he’s obviously no dill -- he’s just depressed. His spending is a symptom of that depression. However, by deciding to have a family with him, his out-of-control spending is now your problem too.

So if I were in your situation, I’d sit down and call him out on his bulldust: he’s got a problem, and he needs to deal with it:

First, by getting help from a professional (call Beyond Blue).

Second, by working with you. From now on you share the one joint bank account, you have an equal vote on where the family money goes, and you have a regular monthly Barefoot Date Night where you plot and plan and scheme about all the things you’re going to do to secure your family’s future.

Let him know you believe that he has it in him. Then hold him to it.

Scott

Money Ménage à Trois

Hi Barefoot,

Last year I bought a 50 per cent share in a rural property with a married couple (who I was in a polyamorous relationship with). We then embarked on a 12-month-long complete home renovation. Sharing finances with them was very hard to get used to. Now we have split up I do not know whether I should stay invested in this property or push for them (or another party) to buy me out. Please help!

Brendan

Hey Brendan,

When I was at uni, I once shared a house with a couple. But there was no poly-anything going on. (Actually, who I am my kidding … my university days were Han Solo.) Whenever they were fighting they’d both bitch to me about each other. And then when they made up, they’d gang up on me. It was terrible … but hey, I was only renting. You are joint owners in a property, tenants-in-common … and if the relationship is over, so is the house. Either have them buy you out (after getting two written valuations), or sell the house and go your separate ways.

Scott

How to ruin your financial life

He didn’t even introduce himself.

An old bloke just walked straight up to me, poked his knobbly old index finger into my ribs, leaned in, and said:

“They don’t listen to you, do they!”

“Huh?” I replied, cowering like a schoolboy (I was at a function, and I didn’t know this old codger.)

“I’ve been reading your questions in the newspaper for years … and they don’t listen to your advice!”

He did have a point. Maybe my message just isn’t getting through. After all, each week I try and give people honest, commonsense advice to help them out.

Fat load of good that does!

So this week let’s try something different — a bit of reverse psychology.

If people don’t respond to good advice, maybe they’ll listen to some bad advice?

So in honour of the old bloke, let me give you half a dozen ways to totally screw up your financial life.

How to Lose Your Shirt in the Share Market

Buy shares based on the tips of your brother-in-law (a 43-year-old IT helpdesk employee who ‘dabbles’ in shares, porn, and sporting memorabilia).

Yet what if you are not lucky enough to have a brother-in-law who has outspoken views on things he knows very little about?

Easy.

Just read scary newspaper headlines: “Sell Everything!”, “Prepare for a Cataclysmic Year!”

(The Royal Bank of Scotland made these headlines in January 2016. Since then the US stock market has jumped 35 per cent, while our market is up around 18 per cent … not including dividends.)

And after you’ve bought some shares, make sure you watch them right throughout the day.

Do not take your eyes off them for a second.

The minute the shares go up, buy more. The minute they go down, sell.

Okay, so now let’s focus on losing money in something you are an expert in: property.

You’ve been living in a house your entire life … right? How hard can it be?

Let’s roll.

You: Property Mogul

If you buy an investment property, don’t buy a good-quality family home from your local real estate agent.

What do those losers know?

Instead, go to a wealth-creation seminar, preferably hosted at a suburban Holiday Inn conference room.

You want a tanned fellow from the Gold Coast who’ll teach you the ‘secrets’ the rich have been keeping from Domino’s-Pizza-munching plebs like you.

Ideally, you’d like a complicated strategy that involves you purchasing ten properties in ten years and will have you retired at 40 and living off $229,345 a year!

Go ahead and buy a property from the spruiker using ‘OPM’ (Other People’s Money), interest only (remember, the more debt you have, the wealthier you are). Location? Preferably South-East Queensland, though what matters most is that the property you buy at the seminar is located somewhere far, far away. While you’re at it, use their legal representatives and mortgage broking ‘team’. It’s so much easier than worrying about all those annoying details yourself.

Yet the real money is made (and lost) in business.

You’ve read Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal, and look where he ended up.

Okay, so he did get a multi-million dollar loan from his father, but screw it — let’s do it!

How to Go Broke in Business Without Even Trying

Start a business you have no experience in, preferably in partnership with your ex-boyfriend … preferably funded with credit card debt.

Focus on ‘brand positioning’ (business cards, a fancy office, an agency-designed website) before you even think of finding any customers. If your product is as good as your friends on Facebook think it is (38 ‘likes’ — you GO girl!), customers will beat a path to your door.

And what if you can’t think of an idea for a business?

Easy. Just buy a franchise, like Pie Face, or 7-Eleven.

They always work out well.

Harness The Secret

Money can be attracted through your mind.

(Picture me rubbing my temples as I write this).

Let’s be clear: God wants you to be rich.

The 800 million people in sub-saharan Africa? … not so much.

But you? … Sure.

Now, one way to awaken the spiritual money muse is to always keep $2,000 worth of cash ($5 notes) in your wallet. It’s a sure-fire psychic signal to the universe that you are bathed in abundance.

And it works! Every time you open your wallet you’ll see your riches … and so will the sketchy dude waiting behind you at the Taco Truck on King Street.

Now repeat the affirmation: “please, take my money, just don’t hurt me”.

How to Find the Wrong Financial Advisor

Once you’ve got a bit of dough … you need to share it with someone. So it’s time to find the most expensive financial planner you can find.

Judge them on (a) their car, (b) their office, (c) their pinky ring.

Let them know you’re a player.

Explain that you want the most expensive super fund they have. Your retirement is no time to be a tightarse.

And when they explain it to you in terms you don’t understand – nod like an idiot.

And make sure you invest in things you don’t understand.

And if someone cold-calls you about an investment opportunity, under no circumstances should you Google them.

Who cares what other people’s experiences have been?

Let’s be honest, the interwebs is just full of freaks that like cats anyway. If you are tempted to go near Google, the only keywords you should use are: “get rich”, “lifestyle design”, “Barnaby Joyce”, and “Multiple Streams of Income”.

Let’s be honest though, the real reason to get rich is so you can exert control over your family, right?

Well, I’ve saved the best to last.

How to Ruin Your Relationships

If you’re dating, don’t talk to your partner about their financial situation, or their views on spending and saving.

Didn’t your mother teach you anything?

It’s rude to talk about money — and unless you’re loaded it’s not going to help you in the sack anyway.

Split everything down the middle except for: your secret shopping money, your secret mistress money, and your secret betting money. Oh and keep a little set aside that your partner doesn’t know about, just in case you have to run. Because you will, eventually. And divorce will be the final crowning achievement of your financial life.

So there it is: six simple ways to completely screw your financial life.

Are you listening? Don’t make me have to poke you in the ribs.

Tread Your Own Path!

Hedging Against My Shaky Marriage

Hi Scott,

We have $300,000 in the bank, and owe $42,000 on our mortgage. We have two kids (ages 6 and 7), but our marriage is shaky. If it fails, I want to keep the family home with my husband, and I would move, then we would split time with the kids equally. We are considering buying a block one minute’s walk from the family home, and building there. If our marriage works out, the home would be an investment. If not, it would be my home, because being close would be important for me. I am worried that if we do not buy now, we might not be able to afford to do so later if we do need two homes. What do you think?

Sally

Hi Sally,

Now I could be wrong, but here’s my theory on what’s prompted this: your marriage was already on the rocks, but you’ve inherited $300k. How else do you get to have $300k in the bank and $42k still owing on your mortgage? That makes about as much sense as your plan: your marriage is shaky … but you’re contemplating building a brand new house together?

This is a terrible idea. (If my editor allowed me to write in all caps I would, but he doesn’t, so I’ll stick with the italics, but just know that my left eye is twitching uncontrollably at the moment). After all, if you actually separate -- and I think you already know you’re going to -- who’s to say he’ll follow the plan? My advice is to sort your relationship out first -- before you commit to this big, messy purchase. The best investment you could make right now is relationship counselling.

Scott

After the Fire

Hi Scott,

I was in a pretty horrific accident six years ago -- most of my body was burnt after being in a car accident that was on fire. I will get $900,000 from my insurance company, though I will need to put aside some of it for my future burn surgeries.

I am going through the process of building a house with my partner. Our house and land will come to $490,000, and we will be eligible for the $15,000 First Home Buyers Grant. We both have jobs (I work casual 12 to 24 hours a week as I can’t work more than that). We own both our cars. He still lives at home and I rent with my brother. We have no debts or loans and we each have over $12,000 in our saving accounts. Honestly I am freaking out, because I am 25 and have no idea about finances or what to do with my life. The insurance settlement goes through in just under a month. What should I do?

Danielle

Hi Danielle

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It must have been horrendous.I know it’s a lot of money, but you don’t need to freak out. You could (and probably should) lock most of it away in a term deposit for 12 months while you take stock of things. There’s absolutely no need to feel pressure. None. If you rush, you could make impulsive, emotional decisions.

Then, when you’re ready, here’s what I’d suggest you think about:

First, talk to your medical team and get an accurate understanding of your future medical costs, and when you’ll need to pay them. Overestimate. Then, if it’s in the next 10 years, keep that money in a high-interest online savings account.

Second, if you can see yourself living in the house for at least the next 10 years, go buy it (if you have enough left over after your medical costs, that is). However, I’d like you to buy it outright, and in your name only. Go and see a solicitor and have them draw up a cohabitation agreement between you and your boyfriend. He can pay you rent and you can split living costs -- which will help, given you can’t work full time.

Three, I’d keep $10,000 in a (separate) high-interest online savings account as Mojo money.

Finally, I’d invest the rest in a low-cost share fund.Good luck!

Scott

Help! My In-Laws Are Outlaws

Hi Scott,

Right now I feel completely helpless. At 21 I purchased my home and have been renting it out for the past six years. I have always been a good saver. I met my partner a few years ago and we have been planning our wedding. However I recently found out he has taken out a $50,000 personal loan on behalf of his parents as they have been struggling. They make the repayments, but the debt keeps getting bigger. Their current lifestyle exceeds their pension payments by 150%! They have a $2 million home that they have promised they will sell and repay the debt, but they’ve been talking about it for years! How can I help his parents and him make better choices and live debt free?

Emma

Hi Emma,

You’re entering into a family that’s built on denial.

You won’t change his parents’ bad behaviour. But you can try and stop your fiancé enabling it.

The big risk is that you’ll end up ‘breastfeeding’ these Baby Boomers forever.

So here’s how I suggest you should handle it:

First, both make the repayments on their debt -- but only till the end of the year. This will give his parents enough time to sell the house and repay the debt.

Second, sit down with your parents-in-law and tell them that you can’t afford it, because you’re saving for your wedding and setting up your own family. But also tell them that you -- the loving but firm daughter-in-law -- want to help them out of this temporary tight spot.

Okay, so the thought of doing that probably makes your blood boil, right?

Well, here’s the truth: you and your fiancé are already effectively paying for the debt anyway. This way you get to cover yourself in glory, amp up the emotional pressure, and shine a light on their stupidity.

Third, I’d give them a copy of my book, which will show them how they can live a comfortable lifestyle with just $250,000 combined in super.

Finally, if your fiancé wants to keep living in denial with his parents, let him. Just don’t marry him.

Scott

I Got This!

Hi Scott,

I spent my twenties telling myself I could never afford to own a home, so I just spent my money. Then I started reading your stuff. When I saw that even singles on the minimum wage could make a go of it, I kicked myself in the backside. I got a better job where I could put in heaps of overtime, I sold my car, and I set about paying off my personal loans (plural, because I was still paying for the car before it too!). I stopped using drugs (all of them, massive effort) and I saved.

I found a sense of self-worth, pride and confidence. I met an amazing woman, and we bought a house together. We have a small mortgage on a beautiful home, and no other debt. We own shares (something else I thought was beyond my reach) and we have cash in the bank.

We will pay our home off just after my 45th birthday -- I am 33 now. We got married two months ago, we have been on holidays together (I never had money to travel before) and now I am moving into a new career over a period of a couple of years because it is time to spend my days doing something I enjoy rather than something that pays me enough to survive. And all this in just under five years, with so much time left to achieve more. Thanks mate, you changed my life.

Chris

Hi Chris,

I didn’t do anything.  That’s what happens when you give up your excuses, and fully commit. Well done!

Thank-you for reading.

Scott

Pregnant and Dumped

Scott,

My husband left me two months ago. I am 24 weeks pregnant with our third child. Since having our first child five years ago, I have been on maternity leave, doing home duties and working one day a week, as it was agreed I would stay home while he worked. Now he is gone and I have all the bills to pay. He is not paying child support as yet, so I am reliant on my Centrelink payments and one day of work. I am a smart woman who just wants a financially secure future for myself and my children. Maybe it is just ‘baby brain’ but I honestly do not know where to start.

Kate

Kate,

I can’t imagine the stress you’re under. Given you’re in the final trimester, you need to focus on just a couple of things: close off your joint bank accounts and credit cards, and apply for a Child Support assessment with the Department of Human Services to see how much your ex-husband needs to pay you. Then, seek legal advice immediately.

Scott

Dr Phil, Where Are You?

Hi Scott,

I am 27 and newly married. My husband earns over double what I do, and he does not like the idea of combining our finances. Instead, things are split down the middle, though he saves over twice the amount I am able to. Is there a way to start broaching the Barefoot ideals without having huge arguments? I am really unsettled by it.

Emma

Hi Emma,

I actually read your question out to Liz ... and she shut me down as only a wife could: “Honey, you’re not Dr Phil ... just stick to the finance.”

Bam! That’s why I love my wife -- she gives me brutally honest feedback, and most of the time I don’t even have to ask for it!

Still, I’m going to sidestep her sledge and answer your question. Reason being, I’ve had thousands of conversations with couples, and the number one predictor of staying together is whether or not they share their finances. (Okay, so another predictor would be if hubby is shagging his secretary, or if wifey is an ice addict … but you get my drift.)

It makes sense when you think about it: How do you think his plan is going to work when you leave work to raise kids? Seriously, how can you plan a life together if you don’t share your money?

Here’s what I’ve worked out: the person who doesn’t want to share has control issues (that would be your husband) -- and the other eventually learns to adapt. A study released this week by Finder.com.au found that nearly one in three Aussies keeps at least some of their spending a secret from their partner.

No winners there.

So, what should you do?

I’d suggest you have your husband read my book, The Barefoot Investor: The Only Money Guide You’ll Ever Need.

Yes, that’s a blatant plug, but there’s a good reason: I’ve structured the steps around having Barefoot Date Nights where you work on your finances as a team (with wine and garlic bread in your hand).

And if he refuses?

Well, far be it for me to play Dr Phil, but I’d suggest you take a leaf out of my wife’s book, and tell it to him straight.

Good luck.

Scott

Death, Taxes … and HECS

Hey Scott,

In your book you mentioned that HECS debt dies with you. My wife passed away in 2011 -- and the $15,000 she owed rocked up bang on settlement of her estate. So I paid it, on advice from my lawyer. Is there any way to get this back if I paid it unnecessarily?

Harry

Hi Harry,

The executor of your wife’s estate was legally required to lodge a tax return up to the date of her death, which would have included the compulsory HECS-HELP debt repayments up to that date. The balance of her HECS-HELP debt would then have officially been written off by a (weeping) ScoMo.

So if your lawyer instructed you to pay off the entire debt, you got the wrong advice. I’d be calling the lawyer up and explaining the situation, and asking them to lodge an objection with the Tax Office so you can have the funds returned. And I’d expect the lawyer to do it gratis.

Scott

We’re in a Pickle

Hi Scott,

My boyfriend bought a one-bedroom apartment in Brisbane’s inner city three years ago for $404,000. We are in desperate need of more space and would like to sell, but a recent valuation has put it at $320,000. With $350,000 still owing on the mortgage and only $20,000 in savings, this puts us in a pickle. Renting the place out will not cover the mortgage, and by the look of Brisbane’s property market the value may continue to decrease. What is the best way to deal with this situation?

Anita

Hi Anita,

The way you’ve written your question tells me you want to sell: you’re ‘desperate’ for more space, renting the place isn’t an option, and you’re worried the apartment will drop further in price. All of these things may well be true, and if they are, you should save up the shortfall and sell. However, it was only three years ago that your boyfriend bought this joint. So before you crystalise the significant loss, I’d want to understand why he bought it in the first place. What was his plan at the time?

Scott

The Secret Credit Card

Dear Scott,

I am at my wits’ end. My husband is a spender who leaves me to pay all the bills, including a car loans of $17,000, a mortgage of $239,000, and an ever-spiralling credit card debt -- currently $38,000. Actually that’s not quite right. I have just discovered he has another credit card on which he owes $20,000! Of course I asked him how we can possibly pay this back, but I still have not heard an answer.

Nikki

Hi Nikki,

He’s cheating on you.

Financially, he’s cheating on you.

You haven’t given me enough information on your financial situation, but experience tells me he’s addicted to something -- most likely gambling.

So, I want you to do three things:

First, go to the bank, and put a stop on all the credit cards (ask him if there are any others), and request detailed account statements.

Second, sit down with your husband. Don’t bother asking him how he’s going to pay the money back -- he has no freaking idea -- if he did, he wouldn’t have racked up a $58,000 debt in the first place. Instead, just go through the statements, and work out where he’s spending the money, and why.

Finally, and based on how the chat goes, you should book in to see either a gambling counsellor (1800 858 858) or a financial counsellor (1800 007 007), and definitely a relationship counsellor (1300 364 277).

Scott

A Woman Is Not a Financial Plan

Dear Scott,

I am 22 and have independently bought my home ($207,000 owing), have $5,000 in Mojo, have $7,000 in other savings, and have no debt besides HECS and the mortgage. My (fairly new) boyfriend earns $53,000 and has a car loan of $25,000 and few savings. He is kind and generous but a spender, whereas I am a saver. As the relationship gets more serious, how can I protect my assets and encourage him to develop healthier financial habits? To reverse your saying, a woman is not a financial plan!

Natalie

Hi Natalie,

If you end up shacking up with him, you could protect yourself by having him sign a cohabitation agreement. Though that would be kind of weird -- don’t you think?

It’s a bit like buying a dog that you’re secretly worried will one day go feral and bite your hand off.

Better to just not sleep with dogs.

Still, let’s give the bloke a break. He could just be young, dumb, and full of credit. He wouldn’t be the first fella to fall into the trap of trying to impress a young filly by flashing his (borrowed) cash.

So, explain to him that this approach may work with girls -- but it doesn’t wash with a confident woman like you. If he really wants to impress you, tell him he can start by becoming debt free. And if it works out you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, drop him off at the pound.

Now, if you’ve got to the bottom of my answer, and you’re thinking to yourself, ‘you’re being a bit of a hard arse Barefoot’, read the next question.

Scott

No Such Thing as a Silly Question

Hi Scott,

I am loving your book and have one (probably silly) question. My husband and I, both 40, are tackling a $45,000 credit card debt on $70,000 a year combined income. Most of it is business credit card expenses -- his small business has had a very quiet start to the year. Do we redraw this amount from our mortgage (we have $300,000 in equity), pay off the credit card and start again, or keep chipping away?

Kelly

Hi Kelly,

Yes, you can refinance the debt onto your mortgage to get a lower rate.But there are a few things to remember:

First, it’s no magic wand. You’re eating into your family home, and there are only so many times you can do this.

Second, you’re turning a short-term debt into a long-term debt.

Third, you’re putting a bandaid on a deep gushing wound.

The wound was caused by your husband’s flailing business. Paper-shuffling your debts doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. So I’d sit down with your husband and have what comedian Tom Gleeson calls a ‘hard chat’. If the business doesn’t improve by Christmas, it’s time for hubby to get a job.

Scott

I'm in Love

Scott,

I’m in love! I met a guy six months ago, and he’s now moving into my house and wants to put his income into paying down my mortgage while we use my income to live on. I am on $105,000 and he is on a $90,000 base (more with overtime). He has no debt, while I owe $330,000 on my home, $250,000 on an investment property (barely breaking even), and $20,000 on my credit card (from a holiday). We are going to get married eventually, but the plan is to live together and pay down my mortgage for a couple of years until we need more space for kids. The trouble is, I do not want him taking on my debt. So should I sell and start again together?

Melanie

Hi Melanie,

“I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, when love is all around me” …… you’ll probably make dumb money decisions.

Seriously, I’ve had little lambs last longer than you’ve known this bloke. (And you know what eventually happens to them, don’t you?)

A few things:

First, keep everything separate until he puts a ring on it. If you want to live in sin (as my grandmother calls it), charge him rent, and pay that straight off your mortgage. Easy.

Second, get rid of the credit card debt pronto. (Seriously? On a holiday? WTF?). Do the sums on your investment property and then ask yourself the ultimate question: would I buy this property again today? If not, get rid of it.

Now’s the time to get on top of your debts. But don’t do it for him. Do it for you. Repeat after me: “This man isn’t my financial plan.”

Finally, it sounds like you’ve fallen hard for this bloke. The best way to see if he’s as committed to your future as you are (other than checking his phone) is to sit back and watch what he does over the next 12 months. If he’s serious he’ll be working and saving like a man possessed. “Come on and let it show!”

Scott

Paid Off the House … What Next?

Hi Scott,

My partner and I both turn 32 this year, and by January 2018 we will have our home paid off in full, all on a combined $150,000 a year. We are already thinking ‘what next?’ and would appreciate your advice. We think we will both put an extra 10 per cent of our wages into super, build up our Mojo, and save for an overseas trip. We are also considering buying an investment property or getting into the share market. And one more thing: we intend to start a family in the next year or two. Where is the best place to put our money?

Ella

Hi Ella,

O.M.G.

You paid off your home in your early 30s?

If you were standing in front of me, I’d give you both a big bear hug. Better yet, let your family and friends give you one -- plan one hell of a par-tay for January 2018! Seriously, paying off your home is one of life’s great achievements. Celebrate it.

(For anyone keeping score at home, you’ll notice that Ella gave the month she would be debt free. She’s focused on her numbers. This didn’t happen by accident.)

Okay, so what should you do now?

Well, first, avoid the Instagram-envy of thinking you have to trade up to a more expensive home. The ultimate status symbol isn’t a flashy home or car -- it’s having the freedom to travel and spend quality time with your kids (when you have them!).

Being debt-free at such a young age, you can’t help but become incredibly wealthy. I’d suggest you go through the Barefoot Steps: boost your pre-tax super contributions, and build up your Mojo to cover three months of expenses (which will be much less without a mortgage). Then, I’d look at setting up a family trust and investing in low-cost share funds (consider buying an investment property when the market crashes). If you’re able to invest just $30,000 a year, you’ll be looking at a nest-egg worth over $5 million by the time you retire.

Scott

The Gambler

Hi Scott,

My situation is complicated and I need your advice. I am in my early 40s and have been with my fiancé for seven years. We do not live together but have bought a block of land (in his name) and are building a house (in his name), and will move into this house together. I have contributed money to this, but my issue is that he has a gambling addiction that he is in denial about, and he lies and deceives me. He believes that it is his money and that I should not say anything. I am fearful I will lose everything.

Hayley

Hi Hayley,

Yes, your situation is complicated, but it has a simple -- though brutal -- answer: don’t marry an addicted gambler.

Your fiancé has a long road ahead of him, but he hasn’t even taken the first step -- admitting his problem. The alarm bells should be ringing in your head: he deceives you, and he believes your money is his, and you have no say over anything. It’s highly likely he’ll gamble the lot.

If I were in your shoes I’d do three things. First, lovingly and supportively explain to your fiancé that he needs to get help with his addiction -- or you’re leaving. Second, sit down with a financial counsellor (1800 007 007) and get their help in removing your name from any joint accounts you may have with him. Third, talk to a solicitor and see if there’s an option for getting a financial settlement … before he blows the lot.

Scott

Our Friends Almost Ruined Us

Hi Scott,

My husband and I lost $300,000+ in the GFC -- bad property, tax schemes (‘woodlots’), loans for shares, etc, all sold by a dodgy financial adviser and all of which collapsed! We have slowly shed the debts. We now follow Barefoot, are ‘hosing down’ our home loan ($185,000), have $65,000 invested, are building up our Mojo account, and have started giving Kiva loans. Despite all this, I cannot shed the resentment I have for our friends who promoted the financial adviser to us. In your experience, do people like us eventually forgive themselves for listening to bad advice?

May

Hi May,

You’ve managed to pull yourself out of a financial hole; now you need to let it go emotionally, for a few reasons:

First, the money ain’t coming back.

Second, it’s not your friends’ fault. Truth is, most people have no idea how to judge a financial planner: Did he have a nice smile? Nice suit? Salon-styled hair? More likely, he made your friends some money (well, before the GFC hit) and they were just trying to help you do the same.

Third, if you’re going to get angry at anyone, direct it at the financial advisor, not your friends. He was the one who broke your trust and did the wrong thing by you.

You know what? It’s highly likely your friends lost a lot of dough with this douchebag too. Why not have a chat to them and explain what you went through -- and how you pulled yourself back up again. Just sharing that story with them will make you feel better. Promise.

Scott

Worried Grandad

Hi Scott,

My granddaughter’s father (my son-in-law) died when she was 10 years old, and left her a legacy. She is now 19 and has a share portfolio worth $105,000 earning (around $7,000 fully franked) and cash investments of $30,000. She attends uni and has part-time work earning $20,000 p.a. All good. But for the past year she has been seeing a boy who only works part time and lives with his mother. I think they may be planning to move in together. How can she protect her assets if this relationship fails?

Doug

G’day Doug,

You could encourage them both to sign a cohabitation agreement, which is a legal document between a couple who choose to live together. Honestly, though, it’s not ironclad and it doesn’t necessarily stop things from getting messy if he’s got dollar signs in his eyes. You could choose to transfer the shares into a trust, or invest via an investment bond for another layer of asset protection, though you’d need to consider the capital gains tax implications of doing so.

For my money, the best way to protect your granddaughter is to explain, in as many ways as you can, what the money represents, namely her father’s dying wish that his daughter be financially secure. It’s her job (with your loving guidance) to honour him, and the way to do that is by learning to become a good money manager. She may need to hear it 30 times before it really sinks in: it’s not just shares and cash in a bank, it’s a bond she shares with her father. No one else.

Scott