Help! My In-Laws Are Outlaws

Hi Scott,

Right now I feel completely helpless. At 21 I purchased my home and have been renting it out for the past six years. I have always been a good saver. I met my partner a few years ago and we have been planning our wedding. However I recently found out he has taken out a $50,000 personal loan on behalf of his parents as they have been struggling. They make the repayments, but the debt keeps getting bigger. Their current lifestyle exceeds their pension payments by 150%! They have a $2 million home that they have promised they will sell and repay the debt, but they’ve been talking about it for years! How can I help his parents and him make better choices and live debt free?

Emma

Hi Emma,

You’re entering into a family that’s built on denial.

You won’t change his parents’ bad behaviour. But you can try and stop your fiancé enabling it.

The big risk is that you’ll end up ‘breastfeeding’ these Baby Boomers forever.

So here’s how I suggest you should handle it:

First, both make the repayments on their debt -- but only till the end of the year. This will give his parents enough time to sell the house and repay the debt.

Second, sit down with your parents-in-law and tell them that you can’t afford it, because you’re saving for your wedding and setting up your own family. But also tell them that you -- the loving but firm daughter-in-law -- want to help them out of this temporary tight spot.

Okay, so the thought of doing that probably makes your blood boil, right?

Well, here’s the truth: you and your fiancé are already effectively paying for the debt anyway. This way you get to cover yourself in glory, amp up the emotional pressure, and shine a light on their stupidity.

Third, I’d give them a copy of my book, which will show them how they can live a comfortable lifestyle with just $250,000 combined in super.

Finally, if your fiancé wants to keep living in denial with his parents, let him. Just don’t marry him.

Scott