Hitting the Jackpot

Hi Barefoot,

My hubby spends all his ‘Splurge’ account on TattsLotto. And not just here and there — his account statements are littered with TattsLotto purchases. I think this is unhealthy but he is using his Splurge for it, which I guess shows a level of control. Am I just worried about nothing or is this something we should take seriously? I don’t want to be financially controlling, but it doesn’t feel right.

Melanie

Hi Melanie,

What a great question! 

Here’s a better one I’d ask him:

What could he spend his Splurge money on that would give him the best bang for his buck?

After all, he’s got a 1-in-140 million chance of winning the jackpot … but if he saved up his money and splurged on  a romantic night away with you (without the kidlets) … well, I’ll leave it up to you to explain his odds of hitting the jackpot.

And while you’re having a nice romantic dinner, you could do a Barefoot Date Night, review your buckets, and plan on doing more things that’ll make you both smile.

We Hit the Jackpot!

Hi Scott,

This month, my husband and I will finally be debt free! We owe nothing (though we also own nothing). My hubby used to have an addiction to gambling and a $120,000 debt on credit cards. We have spent the past five years paying every last cent off, while having three children under five, and I’ve also been studying at uni. My question is: moving forward, how can we make the best decisions to create wealth, and is trading shares just a form of gambling?

Kylie

Hi Kylie,

What a truly amazing all-of-family feat.

The fact that you guys bunkered down and paid off all your debts tells me a lot about the people you really are.

Know this: done right, investing isn’t the same as gambling.

You’re saving so you can provide for your family’s long-term security.

That is the polar opposite of gambling.

My advice?

Invest — but do it via your boring-as-hell low-cost super fund. Do it via a regular, automatic direct debit. Never look at the balance. Only check it once a year when your statement comes in the post.

And keep repeating to yourself: I’m not gambling … I’m providing a better future for my family.

You Got This!

Scott

The Hangover

Hi Scott,

My daughter lives with her partner and three children in a property that I own. They have many bills and are unable to pay rent. Her partner is wasting his money on gambling and will not change — he has even stated that he wants to keep his head in the sand. How do I get him to grow up? I have given him your book and my daughter is trying hard and has since started part-time work. However, they have three car loans and have debt collectors visiting frequently. Help! I feel powerless.

Jenny

Hi Jenny

It must be horrible to see your daughter go through this.

Now I know you’re coming at it from a place of love, but giving her partner my book won’t help one bit.

Why?

Because it sounds like he’s in the grips of a gambling addiction. And, if that’s the case, giving him my book is like giving an alcoholic a Panadol for a hangover.

So, what can you do?

A couple of things:

First, as hard as this sounds, drop the judgement.

I’ve learnt to view people with gambling addictions the same way I view anyone with a serious illness.

“When will you grow up?!” is like asking someone with a mental illness “When will you be happy?!”

Him telling you that he “wants to keep his head in the sand” sounds like a reaction to feeling judged.

Trust me, he knows how bad it is.

Second, encourage both him and your daughter to see a financial counsellor. Ideally, it would be a specialist gambling financial counsellor (call Gamblers Help on 1800 858 858 for a referral).

However, if he’s not ready to get help, encourage your daughter to go on her own. Reason being, the debt collectors will not let up, but a financial counsellor will sort them out and stop the calls.

Finally, you’re doing an amazing job providing them with a roof over their head. Make sure they keep getting the basics: food, power and schoolbooks.

You say you feel powerless. Just remember, that’s probably how your son-in-law feels too.

Scott

The Gambler

Hi Scott,

My situation is complicated and I need your advice. I am in my early 40s and have been with my fiancé for seven years. We do not live together but have bought a block of land (in his name) and are building a house (in his name), and will move into this house together. I have contributed money to this, but my issue is that he has a gambling addiction that he is in denial about, and he lies and deceives me. He believes that it is his money and that I should not say anything. I am fearful I will lose everything.

Hayley

Hi Hayley,

Yes, your situation is complicated, but it has a simple -- though brutal -- answer: don’t marry an addicted gambler.

Your fiancé has a long road ahead of him, but he hasn’t even taken the first step -- admitting his problem. The alarm bells should be ringing in your head: he deceives you, and he believes your money is his, and you have no say over anything. It’s highly likely he’ll gamble the lot.

If I were in your shoes I’d do three things. First, lovingly and supportively explain to your fiancé that he needs to get help with his addiction -- or you’re leaving. Second, sit down with a financial counsellor (1800 007 007) and get their help in removing your name from any joint accounts you may have with him. Third, talk to a solicitor and see if there’s an option for getting a financial settlement … before he blows the lot.

Scott