The Hangover

Hi Scott,

My daughter lives with her partner and three children in a property that I own. They have many bills and are unable to pay rent. Her partner is wasting his money on gambling and will not change — he has even stated that he wants to keep his head in the sand. How do I get him to grow up? I have given him your book and my daughter is trying hard and has since started part-time work. However, they have three car loans and have debt collectors visiting frequently. Help! I feel powerless.

Jenny

Hi Jenny

It must be horrible to see your daughter go through this.

Now I know you’re coming at it from a place of love, but giving her partner my book won’t help one bit.

Why?

Because it sounds like he’s in the grips of a gambling addiction. And, if that’s the case, giving him my book is like giving an alcoholic a Panadol for a hangover.

So, what can you do?

A couple of things:

First, as hard as this sounds, drop the judgement.

I’ve learnt to view people with gambling addictions the same way I view anyone with a serious illness.

“When will you grow up?!” is like asking someone with a mental illness “When will you be happy?!”

Him telling you that he “wants to keep his head in the sand” sounds like a reaction to feeling judged.

Trust me, he knows how bad it is.

Second, encourage both him and your daughter to see a financial counsellor. Ideally, it would be a specialist gambling financial counsellor (call Gamblers Help on 1800 858 858 for a referral).

However, if he’s not ready to get help, encourage your daughter to go on her own. Reason being, the debt collectors will not let up, but a financial counsellor will sort them out and stop the calls.

Finally, you’re doing an amazing job providing them with a roof over their head. Make sure they keep getting the basics: food, power and schoolbooks.

You say you feel powerless. Just remember, that’s probably how your son-in-law feels too.

Scott