My Husband Won’t Let me Stop Working, Even Though We’re Worth $7 Million

Dear Scott,
 
My husband is in his 60s and happily retired. I am in my mid-50s and still working. We are childless. We have nearly $7 million in assets (including a paid-off house worth about $1.5 million), our dividends are about $500,000 a year gross, and I want out. He is concerned that we’ll run out of money if I stop working. I just don’t know how to sit down and work out when ‘enough is enough’? How do I get my husband to see my point of view?

Christina

Hi Christina,
 
Your question reminds me of a legendary story by John Bogle:
 
“At a party given by a billionaire, author Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds: “Yes, but I have something he will never have – ENOUGH”.’
 
The same could be said for your husband. You could stop working today! With no debts, and $500,000 passive income a year, you have more than ENOUGH.
 
It sounds like you need a Barefoot Date Night. And if he still doesn’t listen to your concerns, you could gently tell him you could live off $250,000 a year … which is what you’d get if you divorced him. Not that you ever would, of course.

Scott.

I’m on Lithium

Hi Scott,

My wife and I received $370,000 from the sale of our house, which I decided to invest into an Australian lithium producer. But over the last six months the share price has halved, leaving me (on paper at least) with a very distressing loss. My question is: do I let this ride until things pick up, or am I in a situation that could get even worse?

James

Hi James,

This could get much worse — especially if you haven’t told your wife about the share price plunge yet.She will likely process your confession as follows: you have taken her security — literally the roof over her head — and gambled it away at the casino.And you know what? She’s right.

Dude! What the hell were you thinking? Are you on lithium?

A quick google shows me that it’s been a wild ride for lithium stocks lately. Two headlines from the same publication, just four months apart, tell the story:

November 2018: “Why I think these lithium miners offer great growth potential for investors.”

March 2019: “Have lithium stocks hit rock bottom?”

I have three (boring) rules when it comes to investing:

First, I don’t like investing in speculative companies that don’t have a track record of making money.

Second, I don’t like investing more than 5% of my portfolio in any one stock.

Third, I would never, ever invest money I thought I might need within the next 10 years (say, to buy another house) into the stock market. While good in the long term, shares are just too risky in the short term.

I’m afraid you’ve broken all three of these rules. And, if you’re tempted to keep playing at the casino, remember that things can always get worse from here.

My advice is to stop listening to investment gurus who can’t predict the future, and start listening to someone who has a real interest in your future: your wife. Sit down and make a plan together. 

Scott

My Girlfriend Was Hiding a Secret from Me

Hello Mr Barefoot,

Just finished your book and it has completely changed my perspective on money — I finally believe I will be able to buy my future home in Sydney. That was until my girlfriend of one year surprised me with her $30,000 debt (credit cards, personal loan and education fees). I had a grand plan of saving together and buying a home, but now I feel like someone has stolen my mojo. How do I attack this problem?

Chris

Hi Chris,

She deserves your respect: it would have taken a lot of courage for her to lay bare her true financial state.

Honestly, the number of people who don’t do this till after they’re engaged — or married — is astounding.

Explain to her how you feel, and that you’ll work together to help her get on top of her finances.

You won’t do this by giving her money — this isn’t your problem — rather, you’ll support her by loaning her a copy of my book, and reinforcing good money behaviours by going on lots of saucy Barefoot date nights.

By the end of the year you’ll have a good idea of how committed she is to fixing her finances. If she sorts herself out, it’ll be a source of strength in your relationship. If she can’t, well, at least you know what you’re in for.

Scott

I’m Not the High Earner Anymore

Dear Barefoot,

For the last 16 years with my partner I have been the higher earner, and at times he has been unemployed. We have always pulled through together but I have mostly carried the financial burden. This year he has nailed a great contract and will earn 50% more than me. I don’t know how to begin a conversation about where that money is going to go. I don’t want to sound like I am holding a grudge, but I also don’t want him building a tidy nest-egg while I have little to show for the sacrifices I have made. What do I say?

Delia

Hi Delia,

Just blame me.Seriously, here are the exact steps you can take.

Step 1: Buy a copy of my book.

Step 2: Announce: “I’m reading this book and it says we need to go on a Date Night to discuss our finances.”

Step 3: With a beverage in hand, say something like “for 16 years we’ve been a team ‒ we’ve looked after each other financially ‒ but for the first time in our relationship I feel financially vulnerable”.

Step 4: Tell him, “The book says one way couples in long-term committed relationship can work through this is to open a joint transaction account, with a no-questions-asked pre-agreed spending limit. The book has instructions on the best account to set up, and we can do it before the entree arrives.”

Step 5: Then stop talking. Listen to what he says.Bottoms up!

Scott

Help, My Husband’s a Hoarder!

I just finished my first Barefoot Date Night with my hubby. My problem is that he is a hoarder, and the look on his face when he heard your advice about selling our stuff on Gumtree was nothing less than horror. And without selling a heap of stuff there is no way we will have a Mojo account. He earns way more than I do (as I have gone back to university) and I have already sold most of my stuff to pay for textbooks and such. What should I do?

Lee

Hi Lee,

So what you’re saying is “with my drop in income I feel vulnerable, and I want some financial security”.

And what your husband is saying is “I don’t really care”.

Is that too harsh?Probably (especially if he’s actually got a thing for hoarding).

I’m sure he does care … he just doesn’t need to think too deeply about it, because you keep things separate. He may not even realise you’ve had to sell some of your stuff to buy your university books.

Yet this approach isn’t working for you now, and it won’t help you achieve your joint life goals.

So if I were in your shoes I’d have another Date Night and put the issue fair and square on the menu:

As a couple, what do we value more: our stuff or our financial security?

Scott

Family Feud

Hi Scott,

I am 26 and recently got married (yay!), but my husband and I are not sure how to combine our finances. He owns a house with his brother, and I have a decent inheritance which I would not like to lose if we ended up divorcing (yes, I know it’s a bit early for that!). I thought of leaving the inheritance in the offset account, but if my husband dies I do not want to lose it to my brother-in-law either! How can we make it all work? Do we need a (post) prenup?

Ashley

Hi Ashley,

It sounds a little like you want a Meatloaf marriage: “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that (share my inheritance).”

The way I see it, there are three things you can do:

First, you can go to a lawyer and draw up a ‘binding financial agreement’, which will set out who gets what if you want out of the marriage like a bat out of hell (another Meatloaf reference … ask your parents). The downside to binding financial agreements is that they can be expensive, and they’re often contested.

Second, a more practical approach could be for both of you to write single wills which state that your parents (or whoever) get your stuff in the event of your death. These wills can be updated as you go through life.

Third, if you want to avoid a lot of financial heartache in the future (and also avoid the costs associated with the first two options), I’d seriously consider talking about your feelings to someone qualified ‒ and that’s not me!

Fact is, you’re still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage (which, in my personal experience, lasts until the first kid pops out) yet you’re already choosing money over marriage.

That doesn’t make you a bad person, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you have doubts.

And those doubts won’t go away.

Scott