Should We Forgive Our Prodigal Son?

Hi Scott,
 
My husband and I loaned our son and his partner, who have two small children, $30,000 as a deposit on a house. At the time we explained to them that we were not well off, that we were still paying off our own mortgage, that the money was to help them secure a home, and that they could eventually pay us back using their own house as collateral.  
 
 Well, they squandered it (we still don’t really know what on) and my son is very remorseful, though his partner not so much. So no house and $30,000 gone! My husband and I are now at odds – he says our son has to be accountable and pay it back. I’m feeling awful about it all and just want the old relationship with my son back, so I want to write off the loan as a gift (albeit ill spent) and move on with our life. Hubs says a firm NO. So, should we forgive and forget, or make them scrimp and save to pay it back over countless years?
 
Loving Mum

Hello Loving Mum
 
Oh, I really feel for you.
 
All you were trying to do was help your son, and it’s not only strained your relationship with him but is causing friction in your own marriage … and to top it off it’s cost you thirty grand!
 
So what do I think?
 
I think you should sit down with your husband and let him know that you agree it’s time you put yourselves first. After all, this is clearly eating you both up inside (a lot more than it is your son, or he’d be paying it off!).
 
I would also suggest to your hubby that the quickest way to get rid of this ugly angry feeling is to forgive the loan and move on – not for your son’s sake, but for yours. After all, you’re still grandparents to his kids, and he’s still your son.
 
But never, ever loan him another cent.

Scott.