My fight with the government

The teenager stood in front of me, holding my burrito, shaking her head.

“We don’t accept cash – use your card”, she instructed, in the same tone that I use when my parents ask whether it’s ‘safe’ to download the latest update on their phone.

“But I don’t have a card!” I pleaded with the fast-food worker.

She scanned my face, looking for clues, for a good 10 seconds. 

I wanted to tell her that I was doing an experiment of using only cash for a week, and that I was in fact a successful financial expert. And also that I was really hungry. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just stood there like an idiot.

“Can you call someone?” she said, her expression changing from annoyance to pity.

“I don’t have a phone on me. And even if I did … my wife wouldn’t help”, I whined.

No burrito for Barefoot!

Look, this week has been a pain in the rump. 

As in literally: I’ve had a huge bulge in my pockets from lugging like a kilo of coins. 

“Why are you jingling like Captain Feathersword, Daddy?” asked my four-year-old one evening.

Argh, me harties!

Yet, as I went to bed that night, all that jingling got me thinking: 

How much does it cost to create our cumbersome coins?

So the next morning I called up the Royal Australian Mint. 

And that’s where things got really … minty. 

After days of getting ghosted multiple times, I finally got on to an executive from the Mint.

“Your request is currently with the privacy department … because it’s commercial in confidence”, she said patronisingly.

“Commercial in confidence? Who the hell are you competing with, the Vietnamese dong?!” I joked.

She did not laugh.

Look, I get why they don’t want people asking pesky questions about the cost of coins. After all, the Mint is basically the Blockbuster Video of the Australian Government. According to the Reserve Bank, in the 12 years to 2022, cash transactions plummeted from over 60% to just 13% (and that’s the dude in the singlet in front of you at the Aldi checkout).

The result is that not only is the Mint producing way fewer notes and coins, it’s flowed on to their bag boys, Armaguard, who are broke. (The company is now acting like a homeless dude begging for money outside of Woolies. Got some change, bro?)

“You are not the first journalist to ring up and ask for this information. They call up every week. We don’t give it out”, said the Mint executive dismissively.

So that was that.

Except this Blockbuster bureaucrat didn’t know she was up against Capt’n Feathersword! 

So I immediately called up the Minister responsible for the Mint, Andrew Leigh.

“How much does it cost to create our coins?” I asked the Minister’s office.

“If the Mint won’t tell you, we can’t tell you. What the Mint says is gospel”, the Government spinner said dismissively.

I took a deep breath and said calmly:

“No, your Minister is God and he writes the gospel. And I think taxpayers have a right to know how much our coins are costing us.”

She took a deep breath and snapped:

“What was your name again? Is this for a podcast? How many followers do you have?” 

“I’m the Barefoot Investor. Look me up.”

The next day I got a very friendly, and apologetic, text from her boss (MP Andrew Leigh):

“Scott, I’m sorry the Mint wasn’t able to get you the figures you were after. As you’d appreciate, the Mint makes the call themselves on issues like disclosing costs.”

Actually, Minister, I don’t ‘appreciate’ highly paid bureaucrats deciding they’re too important to answer to the people who pay their salaries. This ain’t North Korea. Yet.

So, in the words of that old slapper Will Smith, I think it’s high time I get ‘jiggy with it’ and tell you what I really think:

Not only am I a huge fan of cash, I actually believe it is worth the cost to taxpayers to keep it circulating. 

Here’s why:

First, because it’s part of our national identity, and our security.

Case in point: Sweden has gone all in on having a cashless society – so much so that they’ve got the lowest amount of physical cash floating around of any countries in the world. But guess what, they’re now having second thoughts. 

In November 2024, the Swedish Ministry of Defence sent every household a cheery little brochure entitled ‘If Crisis or War Comes’, advising citizens to withdraw and use cash regularly, keeping at least a week’s worth on hand in various denominations – because if cybercriminals or hostile nations decide to pull the plug on digital payments, tapping your card won’t buy you any Swedish meatballs. 

In other words, if the Vikings are worried about a digital apocalypse, maybe it’s time to stash a few pineapples under the mattress.

Second, because it’s an awesome visual aid for teaching kids the value of a buck.

And, finally, because the people who really run Canberra – the Australian Tax Office – despise cash, since it can’t be tracked. They want every payment to be electronic so they can suck up all that data and feed it through their AI supercomputers to track our every financial move.

Besides, this week’s bureaucratic bulldust is exactly why we should never surrender cash.

Tread Your Own Path!

The End of Cash

Hi Scott,
 
I’ve heard some talk lately (a lot more than the normal conspiracy theories) around the removal of coins and then notes from the Australian monetary system – moving Australia to a completely cashless society. The discussion between Linfox, the Government and the banks all revolves around how expensive it is to ‘move’ coins around the country for regional post offices, banks, corner shops, etc. The proposal is that the $1 and $2 coins will become notes again to reduce weight, and that later notes themselves will go. This whole concept is so very scary. It would mean a lot more traceability of payments and business transactions – and the ATO would see everything!
 
Lyn

Hi Lyn
 
It’s always puzzled me why paying for something with cash doesn’t carry a surcharge like cards do.
 
After all, there’s a huge cost to taking cash: think of the shopkeepers who have to walk to a bank holding more money than a homie in a rap video. Or Armaguard, who have two pistol-packing blokes driving around in an armoured tank.
 
Now the truth is that we basically already live in a cashless society: according to the Australian Banking Association, cash is being used for less than 13% of payments, and it’s sure to continue dropping in the future.
 
So we’ll get rid of cash?
 
I don’t think so, as much as the ATO would love it.
 
A good case study is Norway, which is the world’s most cashless country, with only 2% of payments being made with cash. Yet Norway is currently legislating the right for its citizens to continue paying with cash to ensure that they are “prepared for emergencies” (like when the artificial intelligence robots shut down our digital payment systems and have us dance like monkeys for their entertainment).
 
While I don’t see an end for cash, I do see a future where there is a surcharge on paying with cash.

Scott.