My Mother Is Acting Like a Teenager

Hi Scott,

I’m nearly 18 and the only one bringing in money for my family. Mum’s been out of work for 17 years – tried a job but quit due to bullying. Dad pays minimal child support and, despite cutting costs, we’re drowning in bills. Mum ‘borrowed’ $1,700 from my savings, leaving me with $2,100, and now she and my sister want to start a clothing business. I’ve started a part-time job, but I feel pressured to cover our expenses. I get $200 a fortnight from Centrelink and I’m expecting a $20,000 injury payout that I wanted to invest. I love Mum, and she’s sacrificed so much, but I’m about to start uni and I have my own goals. How do I support my family without sacrificing my future?

Kelly

Hi Kelly

First of all, I just want to take a moment to recognise how awesome and mature you are: there are very few 18-year-olds who would have the insight and emotional intelligence to write me a letter like you’ve just done. 

Now it sounds like the roles are reversed in your household: your mum is acting like a teenager and you are playing the role of the responsible adult. That’s a lot to take on, but I have the sense that you’re up to the challenge, Kelly.

Here’s what I’d suggest.

First, protect that payout. A $20,000 windfall at your age is life-changing. Consider sticking it in a locked-off term deposit, or in a low-cost share index fund, where it’s out of reach but still growing. Whatever you do, don’t let guilt drain it away.

Second, sit down with your mum and lay out the hard truth: you’re going to uni, you’re not funding the household anymore, and she needs a real job, not a business gamble.

Finally, you’re about to start your adult life. Set up your Barefoot Buckets, save aggressively, and focus on uni. Helping isn’t giving your family money – it’s showing them what real financial responsibility looks like.

Good luck!

Scott.