So My Husband Has a Lady Friend …

Hi Scott,
 
My husband has met a new lady friend. We got through Covid without killing each other (or the kids), but this year has been horrible. I’m totally stressed out that in November our home loan repayments will jump $1,200 a month, and so I’ve been telling him we need to buckle down and stop spending. But he has no idea about money. In fact, just to tick me off, a few months ago he joined a very expensive gym which he flat-out refuses to drop. And today I’ve learned that he’s been messaging a woman there that he ‘trains’ with. I’m at boiling point, and I want him to leave. But what do I do then?
 
Hi Natalie,
 
I am not a relationship counsellor.
 
However, I’ve helped enough people in your situation to know one thing for sure:
 
After the initial shock wears off, you’ll know in your gut whether it’s going to work out … or not.
 
And if you decide it’s over, here is what you do next:
 
First, lock everything down.
 
Change all your passwords and PINs, and lock down your phone’s privacy and location tracking settings. Then find as much financial information as you can: you’re looking for copies of your marriage and birth certificates, and any information on shares, property or superannuation.
 
Second, call your bank’s hardship department.
 
Let them know what’s going on (and if there’s been any family violence tell them that too). Ask them to put a freeze on all joint accounts, including credit cards. And, if you have a redraw or a line of credit on your home loan, have them change it so you both have to sign before making transactions. Then, open a new bank account in just your name that he can’t access.
 
Third, see a family lawyer.
 
Actually, you should meet with a family lawyer even if you’re still sitting on the fence with the relationship. Reason being, the first meeting will be free, and you’ll be able to get answers to many of the questions that are swirling around in your head as you lie in bed at night.
 
Finally, whatever happens, make sure you reach out for support – it sounds like the next 12 months could be rough, and you don’t need to do it on your own.

Scott.