This is the hardest thing I've ever written
What you’re about to read is very uncomfortable.
It’s possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever written, but it needs to be said, and you need to read it.
Wayne is a 50-something Barefoot Dad. His son Mackenzie (Mac) is 16 years old, and obsessed with footy, cricket and getting his L-plates. The trouble began when Mac befriended a girl on Snapchat who was friends with some of his friends.
“Hi Sweety, what do you do?” she wrote.
Mac told her that he was the captain of his footy team and that he liked to work out.
She told him he looked like he had great abs, and then sent him a photo of her breasts.
Mac responded by sending a nude photo … but without his head in the shot.
She returned the favour, sending him a nude photo … also without her head in the shot. And after a few more minutes of flirting, they both sent nude photos of themselves with their heads in shot.
Then Mac’s phone rang.
On the other end of the line was a middle-aged man:
“I’ve got your photo, and I’ve hacked your Snapchat. Mac, you are going to put $500 into this bank account in five minutes, or I will send it to all your contacts.
“I’m counting”, he barked, then hung up.
Mac immediately transferred $500 to the man’s bank account.
And then Mac’s phone rang again.
“Mac, I’ve got your $500. But now I want another $500. And if you don’t pay me another $500, you’re going to be embarrassed. Your parents will hate you, and you’ll want to kill yourself”, he snarled before hanging up.
And then Mac did what you would want every single kid to do in this situation:
He walked out of his room, found his old man, and tearfully said, “Dad I’ve made a big mistake”.
And Wayne did what every single parent should do in this situation:
He lovingly put his arms around his son and said “Mate, you’ve done nothing wrong. You are the victim here. Everything is going to be all right.”
And then Mac’s phone rang … again.
Wayne grabbed the phone and, quick as a flash, made something up:
“This is Senior Sergeant Holdsworth from the Mornington Police. STAY AWAY FROM MY BOY!”
The scammer listened, breathing down the line, and then coolly replied:
“I don’t care about you or your son. You can both die.”
And to prove it, he sent the photos to all of Mac’s friends on Snapchat.
Now he was forced to live with the consequences of his actions … which began at footy training the next night. (Thankfully, his coach turned it into an educational session for the boys on the dangers of sending explicit photos.)
The next few months were understandably rough for Mac.
Yet, at dinner one night, Mac was back to his old self, joking with his sister and laughing at Wayne’s dad-jokes. Things had turned the corner, Wayne thought. As Mac went off to bed that night he told his old man that he was excited to put on his L-plates in the morning.
And then Mac went to his room and killed himself.
The next morning, Wayne opened Mac’s door and found him dead. He sat there with his son, now cold and lifeless – and his entire world fell apart.
The next few weeks were a blur of heartache and uncontrollable, throbbing pain.
Mac’s funeral was huge – packed to the rafters. After a lifetime of community service and sport, people came from out of the woodwork to give Wayne and his family their heartfelt commiserations.
And then everyone else got back to living their lives, as they must do.
One afternoon Wayne found himself in Mac’s bedroom, gazing at his son’s prized trophy cabinet. He saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was a note. Wayne reached over, picked it up, and sat on his son’s bed and slowly unfolded it:
Dear Dad,
Things haven’t been the same for me since that photo. I’m really embarrassed. I’ve let you down.
I am so sorry.
Love, Mac
I’ll admit that I’ve shed more than a few tears this week talking to Wayne.
As the father of four kids, it all hit way too close to home for me. And, if you have a young person in your life, perhaps it does for you too.
So this week I spoke to Susan McLean, widely regarded as Australia’s first cyber-cop.
“Sextortion is huge, it’s a massive problem”, she told me.
“In my 30 years of policing, I’ve never seen a crime type that is tipping previously mentally well young people into a crisis as quickly as sextortion does”, she said.
Now, I’m a money expert with no cyber qualifications, yet there are a few things I got out of my chat with Susan, starting off with what does not work:
Most parents read the doom and gloom headlines about tech rotting their kids’ brains, causing them to overreact and go all Judge Judy on their kids. Not only does this not work, it makes their kids much less likely to come to them if something goes wrong.
Try these three things instead:
Ask Your Kids to Create an Online Contract
Sit down with your kids and explain the concerns you have about the addictiveness of the apps, the mental health challenges they create, and the risks posed by the internet.
Now here’s the trick:
Have your kids create a contract on how they’ll manage their day-to-day online use.
You should give them some pointers of what a good contract should contain:
Regular tech-free times
Sharing passwords and logins to all accounts
No phones in bedrooms and bathrooms
What they should do if they feel unsafe or see something that makes them uncomfortable.
Then, have them pick their punishment for breaking the contract they’ve set. (When I get my kids to do this, it’s always harsher than what I’d come up with!)
This works because you’re treating your kids with respect … and that goes a long way.
No Social Media until 16
Have your kids read this article.
When they do, the first thing they’ll say is … “Yeah, but I’d never send a nude pic”.
And the next thing you’ll say is, “You don’t have to. Scammers are now creating AI-generated fake nudes and using them to blackmail kids.”
Right now there’s a petition on Change.org to get the Government to raise the age limit of social media to 16 (I signed it this week).
Do I think it will actually do anything?
Shrugs.
Zuckerberg (and the other tech bros) will likely get around anything imposed on them.
They’re way ahead – investing tens of billions a year into AI algorithms that promise to change the way humans interact, with the sole aim of making as much money as humanly possible.
So anything we can do to make these pricks’ lives harder is good by me.
The bottom line?
Don’t wait for the Government to protect your kids. That’s not their job. It’s your job. Keep your kids off social media as long as possible. Nothing good is happening there.
Don’t Be a Hypocrite
Imagine if you told your kids not to drink … while they watch you down a beer at breakfast. The truth is your kids may not listen to you, but they never fail to model you.
So, how often are you at the kitchen table blankly scrolling through Instagram in front of them?
Know this: to make lasting change, you need to have a good hard look at your technology habits.
And so, here’s one final cock-a-doodle-doo:
Sign the same contract your kids came up with. I guarantee you’ll be much happier for it.
Tread Your Own Path!
(If this story has triggered anything for you please call: Lifeline 13 11 14, Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636)
Thanks for reading,
Scott
P.S. I’ll leave the last word to Wayne, who is a man on a mission to end the tragedy of suicide. He has created a 40-minute session that’ll teach you how to really listen, so you can change the course of a person’s life. Organisations can book a live session at smacktalk.com.au.
This isn’t about money (he’s doing it free of charge).
This is about making a difference and leaving a legacy.
And you know what?
I think Mac would be incredibly proud of his dad and the work he’s doing.