So My Wife Has a Boyfriend …

Hi Scott,

I was reading your article ‘So My Husband Has a Lady Friend’ from last week, and it struck me that this is exactly my story. Except it’s me, the husband, who has discovered his wife is having ‘catch-ups’ with her ex-boyfriend from before we met. I’m gutted. She is already talking about getting her name off joint accounts and is asking about separate bank accounts. I’m very worried because I run my own business and don’t know how this will affect it, as well as the equity we’ve built up in our home (we have put most of the retained profits from the business into the mortgage). Is there any advice you can give dads out there, as this doesn’t only happen to women – it can happen to hardworking, loving, supportive blokes too.
 
Terry
 
Hi Terry
 
Thank you so much for reaching out to me – I can’t imagine how tough this would be for you.
 
So let me be blunt:
 
Whether you work it out with your wife or not, the next year or two is going to suck.
 
You’re going to be put through the wringer emotionally, and you’ll need a lot of time to focus on you. Yet, if you’re the chief ballboy and bottle-washer for your business, something’s going to have to give. It could be your mental health, or the health of your business, or … both.
 
So here are three meetings I’d suggest you have:
 
First, sign up to a free Small Business Mentoring Service in your state and get some help setting up procedures and strategies that will allow you to step away from the business when you need to.
 
Second, talk to the NewAccess for Small Business Owners service (1300 945 301). It’s a government-funded program that matches you with a mental health coach (all the coaches are former small business owners, not bureaucrats) who will have really practical ways to help you manage stress and overwhelm.
 
Finally, see a family lawyer – this week –   and explain exactly what’s going on.
 
Good luck.

Scott.