My Son-in-law … Is an Abuser

Hi Scott,

Our daughter has just left an emotionally, verbally and financially abusive relationship. Her husband is busy cashing in their assets and spending or hiding their money. She and the kids were left only in the clothes they were wearing, as he refuses to let her into the house to collect anything. He even took the Christmas gifts the kids had received from family and friends. We have offered her accommodation, but it means leaving the rural area she lives in and she does not want to take the kids away from their dad by moving away. We don’t know what else we can do to support her. We’re worried sick. Any suggestions you could offer would be gratefully received.

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl

I’m so sorry your daughter is in this situation. It must be heartbreaking to watch her and your grandkids go through this.

Let’s call it out:

Your son-in-law is an abuser.

There’s a name for this abuse: it’s called ‘coercive control’, and it’s a crime in other parts of the world (though not yet in Australia).

What would I suggest?

Well, as a first step I’d get your daughter to read the book See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse by Jess Hill. If she’s not much of a reader, it was made into a television show that she can stream on SBS.

It’s a confronting read.

All too often, abused women downplay what’s happening to them. Hopefully your daughter will see her own situation in the book, and it will convince her that she doesn’t need to take his crap. Then she can get the support she needs by calling 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). They can help with counselling, accommodation and accessing financial support.

Your daughter is in a better situation than most: she has loving parents who care about her.

Good luck.

Scott.