My Socially Irresponsible Brother Marries his Masseuse?
Hi Scott,
My socially irresponsible 34-year-old brother has recently spent four weeks in Thailand and met an attractive masseuse who seems to have made him believe he is the man of her dreams. They spent the entire time together, and now that he is home in Australia we hear she is expecting their baby!
He is paying the mortgage down on his own property, has a secure job, and will soon receive a substantial inheritance from a relative (who would be mortified at this situation). I feel he is being scammed ‒ if there is a baby on the way, I think this is exactly what this lady intended. Yet he wants to believe all the lies he has been fed, and of course she now wishes to set up life here in Melbourne.
Most of our family agree he should send money to support this child and visit a few times a year. But I fear he will bring her over here, and I am not sure it will end well. What are your thoughts, and how can he protect his interests?
Danielle
Hi Danielle,
That’s a hell of a story … and a complicated question: how can your brother protect his interests?
Well, that presupposes that he actually wants his interests protected.
He’s a grown man. He’s in love. And he’s going to be a father for the first time. So I’m not sure how far you’ll get telling him that the mother of his unborn child is a scammer.
(Look, I have no tuk-tuk in the race: he may be getting scammed. It wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened. Or she may turn out to be the love of his life. Who knows?)
If I were in your shoes, I would do three things:
First, let him know that he’s your brother and you’ll support him.
Second, encourage him to get DNA tests to ensure the baby is his (as legal counsel Kanye West says: “Eighteen years … eighteen years … and on her eighteenth birthday he found out it wasn’t his?”).
Third, encourage him to get proper legal advice: investigate having the inheritance diverted into a discretionary trust (of which he’s a beneficiary), set up a testamentary trust (estate planning), and, finally, if the relationship goes ahead, get a binding financial agreement (BFA) which sets out what happens in the event of a separation.Good luck.
Scott
