He’ll Be Okay

Scott,

You recently wrote about a father who was having problems with his son’s attitude. Sounds familiar. My youngest did average at school, played at uni for one semester, then sat back on his 10-hour-a-week checkout job. Despite lectures on my part, nothing changed — and I kept bailing him out. My husband and I wanted a different life, so we sold the big acreage house and bought a beautiful penthouse by the sea. We love it. My son had to move out, and he was livid for quite a while. But guess what? He is now 21, has a full-time job, rents a room in a share house, pays his own bills, is paying me back the money he ‘borrowed’, and has plans for his future. Now he shouts me lunch.

Juliet

Hi Juliet,

I actually had a lot of parents write to me this week sharing similar stories. It taught me a few things:

First, most kids learn more by fending for themselves than they do from well-meaning lectures.

Second, tough love may not feel good at the time (my parents threatened to change the locks after I moved out), but 20 years on they’ll thank you for it.

Finally, as a parent, you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest kid.

Scott