My Wife Found the Lord … But Not a Job
Hi Scott,
My short question is this:
Is it legal for a partner to refuse to get work? And who can I turn to if they continue to refuse to get work?
The longer question:
When we got married, my wife gave up her well-paying job for us to start a family. Our plan was for her to give up work, then return to work when the children were in school full time.
Fast forward six years, both the kids are in school full time, and I’ve asked her about getting a job. She refuses to get one, but has spent the last four years doing various TAFE courses. Also, while studying she got heavily involved with a church. During this time her commitment to the church was far superior to her commitment to her family, with her often attending church activities and leaving me and the kids at home late into the night.
The house is a pigsty and we haven’t had guests over for at least five years. I’m mentally stressed from being the sole breadwinner, as well as consistently looking after the children. If I leave, I’ll potentially lose the house and assets I've paid for (she brought nothing financially to the relationship). And she point blank refuses to participate in any marriage or financial counselling. Where can I turn?
Dennis
Hi Dennis
The short answer is, no it’s obviously not illegal for a partner to refuse to work!
I’m not a relationship counsellor, but one thing I can tell you: whatever decision you come to, don’t make it based on money.
There is a lot to unpack here … yet I don’t think your wife getting a job will solve your problems.
Your real problem is that you’re living in an unhappy marriage where your wife is getting at least some of her needs met by her faith and the church rather than you.
So the real question you need to ask yourself is this:
Are you willing to try and improve the relationship … or are you too bitter, twisted and hurt?
The only person that can answer this question is you. And even if you do decide to try and improve your relationship – perhaps by going to church with her – there’s obviously no guarantees from her side. If you come to the conclusion that the relationship is cooked, that’s your main concern … not the money.
Scott.