Dad Ditches Wife for Kids?

Hi Scott,
 
My lovely husband and I (both in our forties) are doing our wills. Unfortunately, this is a pressing matter as he has terminal cancer. When it comes to dealing with his illness he is a legend, but with finances he is a freaking nightmare. Luckily, his life insurance will pay out $2 million. But this is where the problem lies — he wants to divide it equally between me and our three teenage kids, which they’ll each get when they’re 25. This leaves me with just $500,000 to support myself and the kids until then. My husband is the main breadwinner and my income does not even cover our rent. What should I do?

Belinda

Hi Belinda,
 
I’m so sorry for your situation; my heart goes out to your family. 
 
The simplest option — and the way I have my own will set up with my wife — is to have everything go to the surviving spouse. That allows them to make the decisions for the children going forward.
 
Yet it may not be the best option.
 
That would be the both of you sitting down and planning it out together, ahead of time.  
 
And that’s exactly what you can do. You may not know this, but a terminal diagnosis should mean that your husband will have access to his payout 12 months before his death (or 24 months — check your insurance policy). That should be enough time for you to work things out together.
 
Now this is his legacy that he’s writing, and it’s understandable he wants to ensure that no-one misses out. 
 
So here’s how I’d frame the discussion with him:
 
If he wasn’t sick, and you won $2 million in the lotto tomorrow, what would you do with the money as a family?
 
Here are some ideas that spring to my mind: 
 
First, you’d likely buy a nice, secure home for the family to live in. No more renting, and no mortgage either.
 
Second, you’d make sure the entire family had reliable, safe cars (when the kids get their licences).
 
Third, with no mortgage, you’d probably reprioritise your work and spend more time with the kids. 
 
Finally, you’d put some money aside for your kids’ education or to help them with a home deposit, or both.
 
Yet leaving kids with a large inheritance may not be the best way to achieve these things. It might be a better idea to match them dollar for dollar as they save for their first home. That way you’re helping them but also encouraging them to work hard and save — qualities that will serve them well, long after you’re both gone.
 
Ultimately, my hope is that your husband finds some comfort watching his legacy take shape.
 
My thoughts are with your family.

Scott